I got home today to find a mailbox full of mail.' That's nice' I thought envisioning holiday cards and expecting bills.
I got a holiday card from the foundation that handled the donation of Jim's cornea's. And a letter and check from the USPS. Money that was a final for year end compensation. I started crying as I read the card and screaming when I read the letter from USPS.
God. God it hurt. I don't want their stinking money. I want my husband. I would even take him with no corneas. Screaming wild obscenities at the wall didn't make me feel any better. I went up stairs washed my face and lay on the bed and cried and screamed Jim's name. I must have sounded like a fool, but there was no one to hear me so what did it matter.
I washed my face again and went downstairs shaking my head. Just when you think it is starting to get...well...not better per se...but manageable...they kick you in the head. Thanks.
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3 comments:
Hi Betsy,
I am so sorry the day was such a painful one for you. This truly does suck big time for you. It just seems like a slap in the face of a sweet lady who has been doing her damndest to go forward. I will be praying for you tonight that you find some peace my friend. I care.
Love, Laurie in Ca.
Hi Betsy,
It's only been two days since posting but I just want to let you know I am thinking about you, hoping the week is being alot kinder and better for you. I hope you are making some plans for Christmas, good ones like you had for Thanksgiving. I am sure your company is enjoyed by all who are with you.
Laurie in Ca.
Hi there Betsy,
I found you through Laura's blog. I'm SO sorry you are dealing with this horrible loss. Your sentence about the card from the people who handled the cornea donations struck a chord with me. LifeNet handled our daughter's donation of heart valves and corneas and they have yet to forget us. I get something from them almost once a month. It's nice to know somebody hasn't forgotten, even if all the friends and family have moved on...
I wish you HUGS and peace as you travel through this holiday season. I know it's rough.
HUGS!!!
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