Monday, December 3, 2007


I got home today to find a mailbox full of mail.' That's nice' I thought envisioning holiday cards and expecting bills.

I got a holiday card from the foundation that handled the donation of Jim's cornea's. And a letter and check from the USPS. Money that was a final for year end compensation. I started crying as I read the card and screaming when I read the letter from USPS.

God. God it hurt. I don't want their stinking money. I want my husband. I would even take him with no corneas. Screaming wild obscenities at the wall didn't make me feel any better. I went up stairs washed my face and lay on the bed and cried and screamed Jim's name. I must have sounded like a fool, but there was no one to hear me so what did it matter.

I washed my face again and went downstairs shaking my head. Just when you think it is starting to get...well...not better per se...but manageable...they kick you in the head. Thanks.


Laurie said...

Hi Betsy,

I am so sorry the day was such a painful one for you. This truly does suck big time for you. It just seems like a slap in the face of a sweet lady who has been doing her damndest to go forward. I will be praying for you tonight that you find some peace my friend. I care.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

Laurie said...

Hi Betsy,

It's only been two days since posting but I just want to let you know I am thinking about you, hoping the week is being alot kinder and better for you. I hope you are making some plans for Christmas, good ones like you had for Thanksgiving. I am sure your company is enjoyed by all who are with you.

Laurie in Ca.

rachd said...

Hi there Betsy,

I found you through Laura's blog. I'm SO sorry you are dealing with this horrible loss. Your sentence about the card from the people who handled the cornea donations struck a chord with me. LifeNet handled our daughter's donation of heart valves and corneas and they have yet to forget us. I get something from them almost once a month. It's nice to know somebody hasn't forgotten, even if all the friends and family have moved on...

I wish you HUGS and peace as you travel through this holiday season. I know it's rough.