Thursday, August 21, 2008

What to do

I am not sure what to do. I am finding it so hard to write. It just still hurts when I write, when I view the photos and when I remember. It just hurts.

It is not a hurt that is constantly up front and vocal. Now it is sort of a subtle backround pain. There when I start thinking about Jim and how I miss him and what fun we had together and how I never wanted it to end and the smile he had that just made my heart melt. That is when the pain jumps forward. The pain that makes me wonder the why's all over again. The choked up feeling that has me stopping to put my head down and cry.

Oh Jim. I miss you.

I know I am not writing as much here. I just am not sure what to write anymore. Maybe with my Dad passing a break is needed.

6 comments:

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Sometimes writing helps, sometimes it doesn't. YOu do what you feel is best and I know I'll be here either way...

Boy... I sure wish there was something I could to do take the pain away.

Bismo said...

Remember, you're writing for YOU, not for us... as Lizzy says, write when you feel the desire/need, take a break when it feels right, don't feel obligated! Hang in...

Lynnbug said...

I agree with everyone. This is for you. I hope things get better.

Laurie said...

I agree with every one here Betsy, take some time to catch your breath as this has been a very difficult time for you. Write when YOU need to get it off your chest, not for us but for you. I am praying for your heart to get through this painful time.

Big Hugs, Laurie in Ca.

Rach said...

Hi Sweetie. I've been MIA due to the craziness that is the beginning of the school year.

You have such a smart group of commenters, I concur with everything they wrote. While I love reading what you've written, knowing you are okay, I also know (from personal experience) this blog is for YOU. Do what you need to do and know we will all be here in the background cheering you on.

Big HUGS and prayers.

Sharon said...

I think this is my first comment for you, Betsy. I have not been through what you are going through, in fact, I was rejected over 25 years ago by my then-husband.

What you write about you and Jim, gives me a great deal of hope -- hope that there are, indeed, good and loving men out there... and hope for relationships.

I'm not sure if that is something you have heard before or not, Betsy, but I enjoy your stories and memories -- but I also don't like that the writing and memories causes you pain -- unless, and if that pain is the healing the grief that has to happen.

I also notice a confidence and determination in your "voice" and steps of action that show you are very resilient and blessed.