Sunday, July 6, 2008

Dogs and walks

Sunday mornings. I lay in bed this morning thinking about the things to do today. Clean the kitchen up a bit, walk the dogs and my most hated chore of all - the kitty litter box. Ugh. However, trash day is tomorrow so I need to do that and get it out there.
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Walking the dogs this morning was very pleasant. The dogs and I walked over to an area where they could be let off the leash and be safe from vehicles. It is fun to watch them scamper around the field. A
hidden alcove of grass and trees in an urban world.
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I enjoy the walk also because I saw many of the small white butterflies. These are the ones that I was told that when you see one, it really your loved one watching over you. Old wives tale or not, it is a comfort when I see them. I look for them when I am out walking, either the dogs or just home from work and smile when they flutter by.
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In the course of the last 13 months, I have found some things very difficult or impossible. It seems almost silly but walking the dogs is one of those things that is difficult. It was a ritual that Jim and I shared. Sometimes both of us and sometimes just one of us depending on the mood. Often Sunday morning when we finally got our butts in gear and up. Jim would take the dogs out while I made breakfast. He would don his black and white camo pants, his 'Stealth' (the movie) t-shirt and take them both out.
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Jim was great for exercise and would walk the dogs further than I could. He loved it and they loved it. They would come back tired and panting and yet a smile on all three faces. Yes, dogs smile.
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There was always the days when it was raining or we were lazy and the dogs and Jim would grab the couch and a good movie and hang together till I got breakfast all made and ready for him. We were very good about not allowing the dogs in the kitchen while we ate. That rule has been broken a bit now, but I am much better than Jim ever was at ignoring the big brown eyes.
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Jim and the dogs on the couch was a pretty common scene. Jim had his particular spot that he liked to sit in (usually one side of the couch) and he had to have a table or someplace to put his drink.
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Many things in this new journey of mine have been new to me because they were things that I took for granted as 'Jim's to do'. The dog walking and dog time was always split up between us.
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When we lived in the boston area, we were near a reservoir that had some wonderful walking/hiking trails. It was a joy to go there, walk the dog and let him run - into the water or along the edge. Free to chase the rabbits, birds and play with the other dogs that came along. I can't find the photo, but a funniest moment was when our dog Gryphon and one of our foster dogs both came upon some scent on a bush. They both peed into the bush at the same time with their legs up and actually sort of crossed. They both seemed to want to be the first one to add his scent to that spot. Jim and I just stood back and laughed.
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In writing this blog I have been trying to remember the man that was Jim and share him. I haven't figured out yet how I am getting by each day. I still turn to talk to him and still miss the conversations we had on the phone. We called each other several times a day to discuss what was happening to each other and help solve the dilemma that was that day. Or just to say I love you honey, see you soon. I often find myself writing when I'm at the days darkest moments, and by writing it down and getting it out, it helps. What I am trying to make myself do is also write when I am at an 'ok' moment and can recall events surrounding Jim. The blog has been an up and down series of posts, I know, but I guess it divides the real time posts of my emotions and thoughts with the memory posts of Jim and our life.
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2 comments:

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Your memories are so precious. Thank you for trusting us with them.

Rach said...

I've enjoyed getting to know Jim over the past months. Thank you for taking the time to share him with us, and know we are here to listen to the good, the bad and the ugly.

HUGS!