shrug? cry? why?

Jim - I looked at Figaro today and realized that he is going to die someday. This beautiful annoying particular cat will be gone. I couldn't hold back the tears and I couldn't bear to look at the dogs. Heck, Fig may live a lot longer for sure, but what will I do when they are all gone. And you. Gone. I don't want to be alone.

I shrug and cry at the same time. I shrug because there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I cry because there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

Jim, I will pick myself up tomorrow. I know I will. Alone? lots of other people I know are alone and survive. I will too. I just want you to know how much I wish you were in the other room, reading your comics and yelling at me for being on the computer for so long and to come to bed because you have to work in the morning. In the bed with your hanes boxers on, the spiderman tee shirt and your knobby knees. I can see and hear you in there. But when I walk in the bed will be empty.

Oh my love. I just keep asking myself why. why. why.