Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Just some days

It's been a quiet couple days.

Sunday was movies that made you cry day. I watched "Boys Town" with Spencer Tracy and Mickey Rooney, then "Oliver" (one boy for sale, one boy. Five guineas for one boy) and then I borrowed from a friend the movie "Pursuit of Happyness" with will smith. OMG. Those other movies had me tearing up, but this last one, well, I lost it. They kept throwing stuff at this guy and life was so darn harsh to him. Finally the ending made it worthwhile, but what hell he went thru for a year. Ouch.

There was also the intermittent wild thoughts of Jim. The one that came to mind was 'why was I so calm today'. I think I realized it was because Jim had been away so much the last couple months before he died that I got used to him not being home. However when I get upset is later in the evening, when he should be either calling me or coming home. I guess in that way I am like our dog who waited at the door each evening. After a certain time of night passed, he would get up and come back to the couch. He stopped waiting at the door about three months afterwards. I don't know when I will stop. If ever.

The Saturday night movie club showed "Jason and the Argonauts", a wonderful Ray Harryhausen classic that Jim loved, and thru him, I loved it too. I couldn't stay in the room while it was playing. The beginning music and the first scene got to me and I had to leave. I went and sat on the steps and a good friend came out to talk to me. The rest of the night was okay though.

I don't know if anyone watches "How do I look" but I was upset at that show tonight. They had a woman on there that had lost her husband just 5 months ago and her friends and family were telling her to get stop wearing his clothes. Well, there was more to it than that, but that was the essence of it.

There were parts that made me mad at how it was handled and very sad for the woman to go thru the pain. But I will admit there were other parts that they did nicely. I guess the woman had to agree to this. I don't know if I could. They didn't follow the norm of throwing stuff out and instead created a 'memory chest' for her husband's clothes so she could keep some of his favorite stuff. I think what I didn't like was how they were all pushing her to 'move on' with her life and such.

I don't know, I still wear Jim's shirts and sleep with his Hawaiian shirt, but am not worried about it. And I feel sorry for the person that tries to pry the shirt from my hand. Not ready for that yet.


rachd said...

Oh, dear. What a weekend.

As for the tv show, I've got a big ol' ranty blog ready about just such a thing. You see, no one is telling me I just "need to move on with my life", yet, with young widows, when six months approaches people seem to be saying, "It's time to move on." Why is that? What makes someone who is grieving the loss of a spouse different from someone grieving the loss of a child??? Grief is grief is grief. It's hard and it stinks and I really don't want to do it any more. Yet, I have no choice, ya know?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, hang in there and know that I'm rooting for you.


Betts4 said...

Rachd, can you post the link to your blog post about the 'moving on'.

Laurie said...

Hi Betsy,

The only person who knows when the time has come to "move on" is the one going through. If anyone is still alive to be told this, they ARE moving forward, at their own pace. I see you doing this and it is no easy task for sure. I own the movie "Pursuit of Happiness" and watch it two to three times a year, just as a reminder to be grateful. It is based on a true story, which makes it more heart wrenching, but he pulled through. I cry every time at his struggles, waiting for him to cave in but he doesn't. I see this quality in you too. I admire you Betsy and am praying you through, day by day. And, Jims things are yours, wear them with love forever!!

Laurie in Ca.

Laura said...

I don't think a day will ever come when I am not surrounded by Leonard's things. He was my life and my love and I cannot just "move on". I would have walked off the set of that show if someone tried that with me. There is nothing wrong with you wearing Jim's things into perpetuity. I've got your back. Much love.

rachd said...

Bets, I haven't written it yet, but plan on doing so this evening.

Many hugs to you, my dear.

rachd said...

Hi Betsy, I did it. I did my little rant here.

You will need to scroll a bit to get to the gist of it. I tried to write what I had in my heart and hope I managed to capture the essence of why it is SO wrong to tell people to "move on".

I pray you have easier days.


Betts4 said...

Laurie -Thanks for believing in me. I think I can watch the movie again in a few months and not get so emotional, but man, that guy climbed out of it all.

Laura - thanks for watching my back my friend!

Rachel - the blog was great! right on the money.