Slothing

After the emotional outpouring from last night, I woke up this morning with a head ache and sore eyes.

I decided right then that it was going to be a 'sloth day'. Slothing is just staying in PJ's and slippers as you move about the house. Not going out and not expending too much energy. I did the slothing proud today.

Watching tv, reading and ordering out for pizza. A long afternoon nap. These are the things that make for a good relaxing sunday. At least at this time in my life. There were also a few chores done and the dogs were walked. I was out in my fleece pants and slippers and hoodie. Looking pretty grungie for a forty year old woman. The dogs didn't seem to mind too much and I didn't really care about anyone else watching.

I have realized that though I have become a little more relaxed about what people are thinking about me, I still have self confidence issues that are bubbling up. They are things that Jim used to keep check on for me. Telling me things that I needed to hear to make me not worry as much. I wish I could explain the aura of confidence that he was able to give me. That isn't worded right, but it was not so much telling me I was good, but more a believing in me and knowing I could be good - he saw something in me that I can't always see. I truely believe that we did this for each other.

One of the things I am proud of so to speak, is something that Jim told me recently. Well, recently before his death. God. I don't why I think it was recent, but it was...just last march or april. Anyway, he told me that my support of him thru the years helped him to grow stronger in his career and reach goals he hadn't thought to go for. He said there were times when he failed at what he was doing and yet, he found me waiting for him with a hug and a smile and an 'okay'. I told him that it was just what we did for each other. When he needed me, I was there. When I needed him, he was there.