Friday, January 25, 2008


I posted that picture a few days ago of Jim and my hands together, on our wedding day.

Two hands, two rings, one heart.

Now, about the rings. I actually have three wedding rings. I have the original one he gave me on our wedding day, a second one from a few years ago and this one that I just got a year ago. My body got, well, heavier and I needed a larger size. Each one is special because of the symbolism they show.

Jim had two rings. His first one was lost in trash dumpster about 3 years into our marriage. He was in the beginning stages of diabetes and had lost a lot of weight. When tossing the trash bag in the dumpster at the apartment building, the ring flew off. His face when he came in and told me was a face of twisted 'oh god' pain. He was upset. He told me how he tossed the bag and could feel it fly off his finger. We both searched for an hour and had no luck. We went the next day to get a new one for him.

I am wearing both our rings together now. I didn't know what to do with Jim's ring when he died. I couldn't let it sit in a box. It meant too much. I wore it on my right hand for awhile, but then one day put it on my ring finger next to my ring. Combined it looks a big but it is nice to feel it. To be aware that Jim is with me.

Speaking to other widows about what they have done with their rings and when they finally stop wearing them has been interesting. My grandmother wore her wedding ring for over 40 years. My grandad died at 43 and she died at 92. One woman has her husbands on a chain. Maybe how I am wearing it is a little strange, but it is my way. I don't know why, but it feels better on my finger, where it can be touching me.


rachd said...

How we get through our grief, how we choose to remember our loved ones, is as personal as our names, faces and voices. Each of us must find our own way, and you, Betsy, are finding *your* own way.

I think it's wonderful you wear Jim's ring with yours. It must be a beautiful sight to behold.

suedaz said...

I wear my Daryl's wedding ring on the middle finger on my left hand. I have toyed with wearing my rings and not; usually it feels "wrong," somehow, to leave my rings off.
I don't care anymore about the issue, I am just wearing all of them. Period. At 9 months out, its the best I can do.
I am glad you have found a solution that works for you as well.

Betts4 said...

Suedaz, I am about to hit 8 months. I also have toyed with wearing it on a different finger, but this way brings me the most comfort and thats most important right now.

Beth said...

A good friend of mine had her husbands ring and the diamond from her engagement ring made into a beautiful pendant. The ring circles the dangling stone. She always wears the necklace during the day and drapes it over their wedding anniversary picture at night