5 senses

Since I don't have your scent or taste or sound
All that's left for me
is touch and sight of you to see.

I don't have a sense of smell so I can't get Jim's scent from the shirts like many can. I don't have his voice on tons of tapes to listen to. I eat the food that I like and don't taste his preferences anymore, so it's like I don't taste him. All I have left of my five senses of him is touch and sight.

I fill the sight with photos of him. The smile, the eyes, the mole on his forehead and the things I know so well. Touch is filled by feeling his shirts and then closing my eyes and seeing him in them. Remembering when I touched him while he wore this one. Rubbed his chest, straightened a tie or grabbed the shirt on both sides and pulled him to me for a hug. Touch is also running a finger over a photo and imagining the feel of his skin. Maybe creepier than wearing his shirts, but it still fulfills the need for a connection.

The sixth sense. I can't say I have that, but I can imagine it. The feeling that sometimes he is close by and I can close my eyes and feel him in the room.

I write this ten minutes after I crawled into bed. I was singing 'hang on tight to your dreams' in my head and I closed my eyes and touched his shirt which is a pillow case for me. And I realized I could only touch a remenent and only see an echo.