Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Bank

Another piece of Jim is gone from my life.

I went today to take his name off of our checking account and to close his savings account. I talked to several other widows and they said wait six months for bills and such to get settled and then do it. I waited almost 8 months and into a new year.

Things went fine till the bank lady asked me if I wanted the money from his savings put into my account. I mumbled something about I didn't care where it went. I looked at her and could feel the telescoping motion happening. That vision that you see in movies when everything around you is quiet and blurry - focusing on his name on the computer screen, blinking, blinking and then gone. My gut wrenched and I buried my head in my black scarf. This has to be a dream. It has to be.

The lady was very nice and gave me a minute of private time and a box of tissues. I was okay after a second and we went on from there. However, coming home and looking at the accounts, it is harsh to not see his savings account there. But it is one more step I have to take. One more bite of the elephant.

I'm sorry Jim. I love you. I don't want to have to do these things.

5 comments:

Karen R said...

Dear Betsy,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Jim. I've been reading your blog for several months and cannot imagine your pain and grief. Your experience at the bank today was sad, but your writing is so personal and universal. Please know that there are many of us out there who care for you. I'm sending good thoughts and warm loving lights your way.
Hugs to you, Karen R.

rachd said...

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry you had to do this. I can't believe all the things that have to be taken care of that are just one more step away from the life we knew.

We're here for you. HUGS!

Laurie said...

Sending you lots of Hugs and prayers tonight Betsy. I am so sorry that the day was such a final step in what once was. My heart hurts for you to have to deal with these things. I am hoping for better days for you soon. And Jim would understand completely and want you to be taken care of.

Rest well tonight Betsy,
Laurie in Ca.

Donna said...

Hello Betsy..came by way of Laura's blog...what an incredibly sad day you had...I'm So sorry. I've not experienced your loss, but I can Totally relate to the "bank" scene. I lost my Mom in '96 and my Dad in 02. Closing his account meant closing a "chapter" of my life...I cried..right in front of the poor bank lady...bless her heart! And..bless your heart as well..hughug

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