Saturday, December 29, 2007

Seven

Today is seven months.

I was up till about 2 a.m. this morning and all I could do was think of that horrible time seven months ago. Of the waiting room and the knowing but not knowing. Of the having to call people and of the feel of the skin and hair and the knowledge of never feeling it again. I know I have said this in the past, but it is a memory that is still with me. Still vivid in my mind.

I miss my husband Jim and wish there was something I could do to make this just be a dream. To give half of my body so that he could be here, even if he only had half. Together we would be whole.

Coming to Raleigh this weekend to get away from the house and watching a very sweet older couple in the seats next to me on the plane. Touching, holding hands, sharing their peanuts. It was so much like what Jim and I would do. I can't do anything about what has happened. I can just remember and feel and hope that he knows that I am still loving him.

7 comments:

Laurie said...

Hi Betsy,

I'm just checking in on you tonight and see that you have gotten away for the weekend and I hope it is a good one for you. Seven months seems long and at the same time like yesterday. It makes no sense to me, I can only imagine how it must feel for you. I wish I could make it just a dream for you too. You do Jim so much honor by keeping his memory alive in your writing and in your heart. You will always be connected in your hearts and I know he knows your love for him goes on. You are doing the best you can and it is good. I truly believe that next year is going to be the beginning of new blessings for all of us. I am praying for you friend.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

rachd said...

Whew. Doesn't it seem odd to have made it seven months? Do you wonder how you've done it? Does time seem like the strangest thing ever, flying by yet dragging on, taking you farther from the time with your loved one, yet moving you forward so the pain is somewhat lessened at times? Time, what a strange strange thing...

But, I digress. I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts, as always. Your Jim must have been one amazing man and I so enjoy the stories you share.

HUGS!! :o)

Laura said...

You have nailed it again. The feelings that never leave and yet are so very gone. I woke up this morning (afternoon really, I've been so lazy) and thought of you and hoped you are doing okay.

Laura said...

Oh, and I forgot to tell you, I gave you an award:

http://ipromisenottolaughduringtheseance.blogspot.com/2007/12/two-posts-in-one-dayoran-amazing-honor.html

You deserve it.

rachd said...

Hi Betsy! I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you tonight. I dropped in to wish you Happy New Year. May 2008 bring you peace and comfort and a little joy along the way. Big HUGS!

Laurie said...

Hi Betsy,

Just stopping by tonight to wish you a Happy New Year, full of peace and new blessings for you. You have made it through the hardest of times and I am praying this new year brings you joy in your life again, one day at a time. You are a very special lady to me.

((Many Hugs)) Laurie in Ca.

catherine said...

Dear Betsy,
May this year bring you peace and security and some laughter along the way too. Keep in touch, because I do think of you often, way up here in Madison.
Best of New Years 2008 to you,
Cathy