Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Flip flop

How can things flip flop so fast.

I had a good evening with my friend Robin. She helped me by fixing a washing machine and she made it look simple. Had dinner and a drive to home depot and some laughs.

I settle down with the dogs and watch a western. Thought there would be no problem. I was fine till the end when the guy proposed to the girl he loved.

Then all hell broke loose. All I could think about was Jim proposing to me. It flashed into my brain and burned a hole into my chest. I could hear his voice and feel his hand on me. So, I basically lost it. A good long cry and some wailing were involved. My eyes hurt and my nose is runny. I can taste both snot and tears and my dogs are looking at me funny. Hey that rhymes. I didn't mean it to rhyme.

I miss Jim. I miss him. I want him to be walking up the street coming home from work. Looking tired but looking up at me and happy to be home. I want to comfort him and talk to him and make him feel happy because he is home and safe and with us. I want to feed him and let him sit next to us on the couch and the dogs to fight for the little space where only one could fit. Oh god. It's late. It's too late.

1 comment:

Laurie said...

(((Hugs))), Love and Prayers for you today sweetie. I don't know the first thing about grieving a love lost in my life, but I sure am learning that it is a roller coaster of painful moments for those of you who are riding it. I do know that you will be back up again, but I am so sorry that it hurts so much when it is down for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers today. I loved
the unintentional rhyme:) You are in there Betsy, you are!

Love, Laurie in Ca.