Tuesday, July 31, 2007

A tough road

I walked half way home from work today. I missed my bus by like 20 seconds and it whizzed on by me.

I got mad, I got frustrated and had to walk the tears off. I walked for about 20 minutes, stopped at a bus stop and waited for the next bus to get me.

I have been thinking about my journey, it is a tough road and yet I don't have any choice but to walk it, get some blisters, be in pain, get some callasus and keep on walking.

I thought about my choices tonight when I came home and had a pretty crappy dinner. I am tired of it all and just want to lay down for a long while. To lay down and forget it all. But it is not really an option for me. At least not yet. I am going to have to wear myself out much more than I am worn out now.

Just the day to day living is tiresome. Maybe when things settle out a bit it will be better. I can hope. I think about all kinds of things that are happening in my life and wondering if choices I am making now are the right ones for my future. I don't know. Does anyone?

I keep getting asked when will I get my license back. Well, I don't know. I don't drive because my seizures have been the cause of three auto accidents, all my fault. Each of them I was very lucky and noone was hurt - either me or the other people, but in all cases, there was major damage to the trucks. I hate not driving, but I hate the thought that my driving could hurt someone or me. So I walk. I walk a tough road and will keep on walking.


Donna said...

Still here for you Betsy and thinking of you. You are an excellent writer.

Betts4 said...

Thanks Donna. I needed that note.