Sunday, July 8, 2007

Another Sunday

Another Sunday without Jim.

I have been in a blue funk all evening. Warm and the AC can't cool the place down enough. Outside temp is somewhere around 90 and it feels like 100 degrees.

I am not sure why but everything I watch on tv makes me sad. And lonely. And more realization of my widowhood. Comprehension that Jim is not coming back.

I have this memory in my head today. The memory of Jim in the hospital after they let us in to see his body. His eyes closed, his hair pushed back and no breathe in him. I remember stroking his hair because I wanted to feel it one last time. I didn't want to let it go. I kept talking to him but knew there was no one there to hear me. I could stroke his hair and it would feel a little bit still real. Still like him.

I don't understand why it had to be him that died that night. Why couldn't it have been 30 years from now. I can only hope for sleep and that work will keep me busy this week.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


I remember the weekends and holidays as always being the hardest and seemed like forever. Emotions flip as if you were in a pancake house. Hang in there. Eventually you will see the world in color again.