Sunday, June 17, 2007

Bladder vs Snuggle

Oh lord. After a fairly good day yesterday, I woke up this morning dreaming of Jim and wanting to roll over and snuggle. To have his arm around me and wait for the morning to come. To fight the bladder and have a few more minutes under the covers.

That was our favorite Sunday morning hobby. To lay in bed, snuggle and then eventually wake up enough to watch some tv, talk about the previous week and our plans for the day. To make sure we were on the same page with what was happening in our lives. It was important to take that time and we always did.

So, of course, I cried a little - and letting myself cry helps.

Then I gave in to the bladder god and went on from there to let dogs out and have some breakfast. I ate some cinnamon rolls I bought to make for Jim. He loved laying in bed as I hummed around the kitchen making Sunday breakfast. I would call him when stuff was half ready and he would start moving. I would be yelling by the time the food was done, hot on the plate and waiting. He still was slow at the coming downstairs part. He usually had gotten hooked into watched some show upstairs and until I was hollering up the stairs, he didn't realize the time had past. He would come down, start doing his diabetes blood work and taking medicine and I would be huffing now because breakfast was getting cold. So I would sit down, eat my meal and then watch him eat. A Jim moment. Afterwards came the walking of the dog or working in the yard.

I always liked the first part of the morning best. The laying in bed. I remember back on our honeymoon how perfectly we were matched for each other. We had our wedding night and were waking up and snuggling. Then a little while later the tv went on. Oh wait, its "Land of the Lost" and then "Batman" (with Adam West) and we were both hooked - on each other. We lay together and watched and giggled and laughed and knew. That set the morning routine that 17 years later had not changed much.

I came upstairs after eating breakfast this morning and was working on some laundry. To try and be responsible and then the phone rang. I thought 'it's Jim callin....shit' and I couldn't even answer the phone then. I just let the answering machine get it. I just lay down and cried some more. I want to hear his voice again.

I know last week I was lookng at my watch and thinking he would be calling soon. It doesn't happen often, but now it seems the phone is triggering it. I am thinking about cancelling my landline and just using the cellphone.


Ginger D said...

Dear Betsy, I hear Butch's voice clear as a bell in my dreams still and it will be 25 years since he died. Some dreams are really cool and I wake up laughing. Other times I cry like crazy, even after the good ones. Sometimes we're living a regular day in them and it dosen't enter my dream-mind that he's dead. One dream was so real - I went into the bathroom to take a shower and the john was full of beautiful strawberries. I said, "Boo-boo! What are you doing now, shitting strawberries?" I woke up laughing my butt off. In other ones I realize the truth and I try to hang on to him as long as I can. I'll take those dreams any way they come as long as I see him. Keep on blogging.

Betts4 said...

Just 2 1/2 years and I had forgotten the memory of Jim on a sunday morning lazing in bed while I made breakfast and not getting moving until I would be yelling at him and frustrated because breakfast was almost cold and I worked so hard and he didn't appreciate it and ...and... then we would sit down and have a great breakfast and a good day.
I am glad I did write these moments of our lives down. Just for a night like this, when it has been a long day/week/month and remembering gives me a smile and a tear.