Friday, October 16, 2009

Oct 16

Chatting with a newly widowed friend the other day brought back a rush of memories that had been pushed back for awhile. I wanted to share with her that she was not alone and that what she was feeling was not wrong or strange but rather what every other widow has felt.

The memories of those first days after Jim died. The first hours. The first few minutes of seeing him laid out in the hospital and them letting me say my goodbyes.

My friend is going thru the long nights, the not wanting to get up and the taking naps to try and get thru the day. Hell I think they call it.

I look back at those days and wonder how I got thru it. I know some of keeping my sanity was due to this blog. To be able to write out what I remembered of my Jim and to write out what I was feeling.

Gosh I miss him. Still. It pounds on my chest. And yet, I try to say 'yes I miss him' and then go on with what I was doing. I can only do that. There is no other choice.

Jim's birthday is coming up. And our anniversary. And then all the rest of the seasonal holidays. Oh boy.

1 comment:

Rach said...

The memories of those first days, weeks and months and how we survive them is incredible. It think it speaks a lot of the human spirit that we do manage to survive.

I'm so terribly sorry for your friend and her loss. The thought of something happening to Brien is enough to put me in a tailspin.

You have come far these past two years, my friend, as have I. I think because the pain isn't so fresh and the wound isn't so raw, we're better able to cope. At least I guess that's what it is. Yes, it still hurts, yes, it still sucks, but it's a life we've grown somewhat used to. It's our "normal" now, for what it's worth.

I often say the pain I experience daily in dealing with Han's loss is like dealing with chronic physical pain--you grow used to it because you live with it on a daily basis. It doesn't make it any less painful, I've just learned how to manage the pain. Does that make sense?

Anyhow, glad to know you are well. HUGS!