Saturday, August 8, 2009

Missing my safety valve

I am missing my safety valve very much.

Jim was my safety valve. He was the one that stopped me from going off on tangents, he kept my red head temper in check, he would step in front of me and talk in the soothing voice.

My poor Vet. I just went off on her about a charge I wasn't expecting. I went to pick up Mercury's ashes and was charged for the office visit on top of the creamation and the shot to put him to sleep. I wasn't expecting the extra 40.00. Last week when I was leaving I was told 170 for the creamation and 40. I didn't know about the other 40. Well, I raised a fuss. Why? I don't know. I went in there all level headed and then boom, that extra amount triggered it.

They did surgery and had not charged me for three subsequent visits to check on him. So I was hit with a surprise. I just didn't have Jim to sooth me and remind me or even to send me to the car while he handled it so then later I could bitch at him and he would take the brunt for the vet.

I am mad at myself now and don't want to leave the vet with this bad feeling about me. I stormed. She took the charge off and I didn't even thank her for it....she said as I was leaving "your welcome" and I realized I hadn't. I did thank you but it came out all snotty and not good. I was outright rude.

I am using the blog here as a place to get this out. It is not pretty what I did and I am ashamed. I want to go back and pay and apologize. I want to be able to bring Tigger there for treatment. I am probably banned.

My thought is to take a card with a check in it. A thank you card for how well they treated Mercury while he was ill. They didn't deserve my grief anger. I am going to take it over just before they close for the day and apologize. I can't just mail it in, I need to look her in the eye and say it.

Jim I miss you. I know I have to learn how to handle these things. I know it. And I am trying. We were a good team and maybe he shouldn't have let me lean on him, but that was what made us good together....he leaned on me and I was his safety valve for some things too.


Sharon said...

oh, Betsy, I feel for you and the "stuff" you're going through...and APPLAUD you for your introspection and decision to make a relationship (albeit a business one) right -- as far as it depends on you -- you're not responsible for the Vet's response or reply, just for your own actions as you did by listening to your wonderful conxcience. Words are impossible to take back once they're out -- and I'm so glad you didn't rationalize your actions, but saw them for what they were. Saying all that, you come across as a very sweet lady, and I bet your anger spurts are few and far between --- mine come out at drivers and their "lack of ability.." Blessings on your weekend, friend....

Betts4 said...

Well I went back to the vets just about an hour after writing the blog. I went in with the Thank you card and a Mercury photo and asked if I could talk to the Dr. I got in there, apologized to her and told her she didn't deserve the attitude I gave her and that I was wrong and I am ashamed of myself for acting that way.
She gave me a hug and said that I was not to worry about it and that she didn't mean to be all 'mom' on me and that we were okay. I really wanted her to know that I was sorry and that it was wrong of me. She gave me another hug as I was leaving so I am hoping all is well now.

Rach said...

Oh, Betsy, I don't know why, but this post made me cry. It's SO hard to do things alone that you once had help for. Your grief over losing Mercury was compounded by Jim's loss and not having him to assist you in such a difficult situation must have been awful.

I'm very glad you went back to apologize. I'm sure the vet realized it was your grief talking and was most understanding. I remember getting the bill for the ambulance fee after Hannah died and I was SO livid I couldn't see straight. You see, that bill arrived in DECEMBER and she, of course, passed away in July. It seemed SO inappropriate to not only have to pay the ambulance fee, but for it to arrive at a time when I just wasn't expecting it and not wanting to relive that time.

I'm so so sorry you were in that difficult situation and I'm so relieved it has been resolved. Conflict stinks.