2 hours

Aren't Saturdays great? It can be either a day of energy and ambition or a day of sloth. I decided to combine the two. Energy for two hours, sloth for two hours. It works.

I got up energized and did some cleaning. My cleaning has become straightening the areas that the public may walk in and see. The upstairs gets a once over and hanging of clothes. Not a great method. Every once in awhile I really attack the other areas - bedroom and office and ignore the downstairs.

Then it was sit hang out in the yard and pretend that I am gardening when really I am talking to the dogs and admiring the plants that are in bloom. Good choices this year and the yard really pops.

I have talked about the Sundays that Jim and I had - drives to no where and days spent together. Saturdays for most of the marriage either he or I or both of us had to work. That was one reason Sundays were so special. The last couple years before he died, I was working 9-5 and M-F, so my Saturdays were my own. I enjoyed this sort of 'personal space' day. I would do chores, run errands and yet still have the quiet house and ability to read or watch tv without worrying about coordinating things with Jim.

It is still strange to have 7 days a week like that now. I have to think about the dogs and cat, but not about the other human and what they might need. It has only been in the last six months that I have really come to realize this. Going to see my brother at Thanksgiving was a turning point in that I traveled, where I wanted and when I wanted. And I could do that again...if I wanted. It is interesting how things sometimes just 'click'. Oh I certainly would happily give up this freedom to have Jim back, but my brain is finally acknowledging that he isn't coming back. Unless I finally do wake up and find that it has been a life lesson for me (think wizard of oz or christmas carol). Though I wonder if it counts when I still talk to him.

So now my relaxing two hours is up and it is onward to errands.