Sunday, February 1, 2009


I have found myself kind of weepy the last couple days. I think it is the because I am experiencing some of the moving forward without Jim feeling.

Driving to my cinema club meeting the other night I got teary and couldn't put a finger on why. Other than, Jim should have been driving and me in the passenger seat.

Then there is the story of the sliver under my nail. I did dishes and was washing a wooden spoon and a small sliver went right up under my thumbnail. OW! that hurt and I can understand the use of it in torture now. I thought I got it out but wasn't sure. It got a bit swollen last night and throbbing so I went to the Patient First clinic near me. The guy had to numb my thumb, slice the nail down the center and clean it out. He said I had really hard nails and that there wasn't much of a sliver left, but there was a lot of pus and that was what made it swell.

Before he did the minor cut, I was in the room by myself. And I was feeling very lonely and kept looking over to the chair where Jim would be if he was with me. I closed my eyes and imagined his laugh and wanted to feel his grip in mine. I got weepy about him not being there. Damn it.

So I am home now and with antibiotics and vicodin for pain it has not been too bad. Typing is kind of weird, but I am learning to type with the side of my thumb, so it works.


Sharon said...


I'm so glad you went right to the clinic, got the antibiotics and pills for pain -- very wise, and Jim would be proud of you.

I'm also glad that you are able to get teary and show emotion - that's a good sign, meaning your heart is not numbed or hardened - you are human and not a robot. I was teary over two things on TV tonight, and it felt good to express that emotion. Hope your week of work goes well, and your thumb heals ;)

Rach said...

How extraordinarily painful! When we are injured, we want the one with love with us to comfort us and keep us company. I understand the teariness. Time passes and some days are easier than others. Be gentle with yourself.