Thursday, October 16, 2008


I took a plunge today and pulled some money out of the account that was Jim's life insurance. I am going to pay off two of my largest credit card bills. Bills that were around and helped to grow by Jim himself. This will help with monthly bills and leave me some breathing room. I don't know how smart or not it is do and use the insurance money, but I figure that is partly why he had it. To take care of things.

Today I sent into the city a copy of Jim's death certificate to have the title of the house switched solely to me. Imagine, after 1 yr, 4 months and 18 days, I am just getting to this. It is another plunge.

These are both admissions that Jim is really gone aren't they?

And yet. As I sat on the couch last night, I was tired, I was sleepy, I was warm and had a dog on either side of me. I dozed into that half sleep. And I felt Jim there. I mean on my left side like he was standing there looking down and touching my hair. I woke with a smile and the feeling that absolutely he was had been in the room with me. It makes me very happy.

A few months ago I gave Jim's Total Gym exercise machine to a friend. When it was going out the door I felt dizzy and a sense that something spiritual was leaving. I felt the house was empty since then and often worried that Jim had left with his exercise equipment. I am glad to have felt my honeybunny near me last night.


Rach said...

I think you did the right thing with the insurance money. You are right, he had that policy to take care of YOU.

I'm so glad you felt Jim with you. I haven't felt Hannah in so long. :sigh:

Sharon said...


I agree with Rach -- debt repayment is almost always the way to go -- especially credit cards, and I hope you will feel the financial burden lift a little.

So glad you felt his presence -- what a comfort, even though I'm sure a mixed blessing.

Your timing and ability to change over the deed, etc., are being done when you are able -- give yourself that pat on the back when you can get one more thing like that off your list. I'm sure each one of those items on a list has much more accompanying it in the way of memories, feelings, etc.

Again, I encourage your strength, your goodness and your faith. Have a blessed weekend,

Lynnbug said...

You are doing the right thing to pay off the credit card debt. By the time you pay a credit card off on a monthly basis--you usually wind up paying double what you originally charged.

I have felt my Daddy with me many times since he died. It is always comforting to know he is there in spirit watching over me. I am always happy when I know he has been "lurking."

Bless you!

Dana said...

Just stumbled upon your blog through Rachel's blog... and wanted to send hugs your way. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a beloved spouse and have to carry on with life without that support. It's wonderful that you've waited a year to make big financial decisions. It seems to be very responsible to use the insurance money to pay off high interest credit cards! :)