Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Veil

This week has seemed like a veil has been draped over me. I don't feel really in touch with what is going on around me. Moving in and out of situations and conversations with a void of emotion.

I am sad that I can say that I haven't cried in 4 days now. The longest without tears since may 29th. I am sad as I think of Jim, but nothing has occured to bring the tears to the front. They are always there in my head ready to burst.

It is not a numbness but more a dullness.

As I walked to lunch today I was thinking about all this and realized that the time has passed so quickly and mostly in a blur. I went back to read some of the earliest posts and am glad that I wrote them.

I had a 'Jim mement' the other day. By that I mean it was on of those things that he would do or say or would be associated with him. My friend Elaine picked me up from work and she was waiting in the car for me. I walked up from behind and when I did I leaned inot the corner of the car and bumped it - then faking as if she had hit me. It was something I did and then as I was doing it I realized it was because Jim used to do this. It gave me a fleeting smile and a bigger one when I got in the car and Elaine said 'okay Jim, cut it out' to me. She remembered it too!

5 comments:

Linda said...

Bets,
I'm giving you a gentle kiss on the forehead, and a big hug...

Laurie said...

Hugs to you from here tonight Betsy. I am so sorry for the veil you feel over you right now. The tears will return, of this I am sure. I wish I could say something to make you smile. Please know that I think of you daily and pray for you. It is all I can think of to do.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

Linda said...

Bets
Please send me your email address..

Rach said...

I cry so sporadically. I'll go days, even weeks without crying and then one day, when I least expect it, I'm hit with them again.

I'm delighted you were able to have a Jim Moment. Those must be so wonderful. :o)

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