When the day shall come

Since Jim died, I have been in a knot over the last few minutes that we had together. Those moments were mere seconds with him on a gurney and me touching his shoulder. I am sad and upset that I didn't get to actually hold his hand, see his eyes, say "I love you" one more time.

His last words were "It hurts alot" or maybe it was "it hurts baad", as he clutched his chest and his fists balled up. I can't quite remember the exact words. Either way it wasn't I love you. This rips me up inside, because we loved each other and always spoke of our love to each other. On the other side, it is the strength of that love which has helped me stay strong.

But for the issue of our last words. Everyone wants them to be 'I love you' or some such. We didn't get that.

I read the following quote today. The last line of a wonderful novel I have read a couple times, a romance novel of a love that trancends time. I read it and knew that it was for me. It was like she wrote it for me. It makes sense and eases my mind.

"When the day shall come, that we do part,

if my last words are not "I love you",

you'll know it was because I was not given the time."