Thursday, January 10, 2008

Just a tired week.

Not sure why, but I have been really tired this week. I crash at night on the couch, watching TV and just feeling blue. Feeling tired. Not really a 'not motivated' feeling, just an all over body tired kind of thing. I think I may be fighting the cold that everyone else seems to have.

Well I tried tonight to do something. I pulled the papers, cards, letters, forms that have been cluttering the kitchen table and went thru them. Sorting and tossing and keeping. I found an old medical bill for Jim. Dated May 25, 2007 and I thought that at that point he only had 4 days left alive. That hit me. I kept going thru stuff and found a card for Mothers day that Jim had sent me and below it, one that I had sent him for Fathers day. On both of them we had signed the pet's names. I know this will all get sorted out little by little.

I watched a part of movie and there was a scene where an older man and older woman were in a backyard. He is drinking ice tea and sitting at the table. She is hanging laundry on the line. At one point she is near him, he reaches up, touches her, looks at her and they kiss. Then she smiles and goes back to the laundry. It hurt. I changed the channel.

I always wanted that. To be able to say we have been married for 47 years or such.


Laura said...

Hugs. And I know that feeling of seeing that on television and feeling cheated. I feel cheated out of what I thought was a sure thing. I hope you are able to get some rest. It is the loneliest time of the year, in my opinion, and I only hope it flies by. Many hugs.

catherine said...

That is so weird you saw that because a few months ago I had dream like that, except it was lemonade and he was mowing the lawn as I hung the laundry. I have been painting my dreams the past few months and that is a sketch I still plan on painting.
What is the name of the movie? Because my dearest Betsy I can only hope to have anything like that happen to me in my future life. I wish that for me and as time heals the terrible blow you have have been dealt this year I wish that for you too.

Laurie said...

As my honey and I approach our 40th anniversary, I am grateful I am not familiar with the feeling of being cheated, but it has always been at the back of my mind and heart as a secret fear I always push back. I am praying for you Betsy, that the loneliness gives way to hope as these days of winter pass into spring. I think about you all the time, hoping little pieces of joy find their way into your days. This is my hope for you.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

Betts4 said...

Cathy - I can't remember the name of the movie but it something about a bunch of girls, a pair of jeans and what they did all summer. One girl was in greece and that is where the older couple were.

Laura - Cheated is exactly the right word.