So here I am.
Another winter has crept in and so have the mice. I can hear them in my bookcase.
Here I am. Listening to John Denver and why? Why am I torturing myself. I am lonely. I was trying to clean upstairs. I was cruising the iTunes and I saw the Country roads song and hit play. Now, now my heart is beating so fast it hurts. Annies Song is playing. The song Jim chose for our first dance at the wedding. The song my nieces sang at his memorial. The song I tried to sing Sunday morning and found I couldn't. It would only come so far out of my head. I never knew why he picked this song, but it really was perfect for our love.
So, I sit and listen, to mice, to songs and I try to once again wrap my brain around the fact that Jim is gone. I see his smile and his eyes all around me. It helps sort of and yet oh it hurts so to look at the pictures, but I can't help myself. A double edge sword. I probably should be folding the damn clothes or cleaning the mess that my room is. But oh it hurts even to type. Someone told me that months 5-7 were hard. Funny, someone a couple months ago told me that months 3-6 were the toughest. Hunh. I guess every fucking month is hard. And yet, must go on.
I can't remember if I have posted this song here or not. But it is our song.
ANNIE'S SONG (John Denver)
You fill up me senses like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses come fill me again.
Come let me love you, let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms (no no no no)
Let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you
Come let me love you, come love me again.
...Let me give my life to you
Come let me love you, come love me again.
You fill up my senses like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses, come fill me again.
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2 comments:
I have no words. I cannot even imagine what you are going through - our lives couldn't be more different.
This song touches to the very core of my heart - and also hurts for you............I'm sorry I cannot say or do more for you - know that someone cares.
Kristy, Thank you. I don't know if anyone comes back to read my comments on their comments, but I wanted to tell you I visited your blog and it is beautiful. Congrats on your new little one coming and hugs for the whole family. Prayers can be answered.
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