Saturday, October 13, 2007

Reality vs dream vs ghost

Mercury's barking woke me up.

It was just before 6 am and he was barking these little low volume one barks. One bark, wait a bit, another one. I was just coming up out of a dream and rolled over. I heard him do this three times and decided it needed looking into.

I got up, peed and while pulling on my sweatpants I remembered the dream.

Jim was running towards me. I was leaning against our red truck and could see him down the street. Not a street I recognized, but there was a bank on the right of me. Or maybe a collaboration of several streets. Anyway I see him running towards me and I get excited. I can see the smile on his face, his jeans, he is in a tee shirt but I can't tell much more. As he gets close I step out to hug him. I am grabbing at nothing as he runs on past. I am surprised and look at him as he runs by, and notice his hair, it's longer than it ever has been before. I am upset and crying and get in the truck. I sit in the truck and then realize that he just got in next to me. Jim is sitting in the drivers seat.

He asks me "what is wrong?" and I tell him "I couldn't stop you. I just wanted to give you a hug."
He pulls me closer, up against his chest. "It's alright honey, it's alright".
"But Jim I wanted to touch you" and at that he strokes my hair, runs his hands up and down my arms and grips my hand. He pulls me so close to him and I can feel his body surrounding me. He is all around. I am leaning against him and he is whispering, I can hear his voice. "It's okay honey, it's alright". Jim is touching me, cuddling, just a feeling of yes, we are together, like we did in the early mornings.

The reality is that I woke up alone. The dog barks woke me up, but I am glad, otherwise this dream may have just been that. A dream forgotten as it passed thru the night. I wouldn't have been able to bring the dream to life. Not remember the truck, with Jim's arms encircling me, hearing his voice telling me it's alright, and not remembering the ghost that ran by me.

I am thinking as I write the dream out of the 'meaning' for it. The big one is, me letting go, yet knowing that Jim is with me and caring for me.

I am glad I could feel his arms again, and hear his voice. The ghost that ran by me was not the real Jim. Jim was in the truck waiting to hold me and care for me. That is a reality. And a dream.

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

I am so glad you remembered this dream. I hold on to the feelings created by the dreams of my husband for days.

Who knows, maybe Jim told Mercury to bark.