Accepting?

I realized last night that I am not needing Jim to walk in the door. As much. I think I know that he is not going to be doing that. I don't need to see hin,,. but want desperately to hear his voice and to have him talk to me for a bit. To have him call me. And I would like to/love to see him, but the reality is hitting and I am starting to accept it.

In the acceptance comes the loss all over again. I have no desire to come home on friday afternoons because home is lonely, home is empty, home is where Jim was. However once I get home, I find that I cry and yell for a few minutes and get it out of my system. Then I am okay for most of the weekend. Sometimes.

I have talked of it before, but am thinking again of seeing a grief counselor. If I can find one that isn't too whacky. I feel the need to talk about what I am feeling. The blog is good, and it has helped. I don't know if more is needed or not. Only lady said she went to two sessions and was fine. One lady told me she is still going 2 years later.

What do you do when you still want him to call you? Or maybe to just be upstairs reading some comics and waiting for me to come up and snuggle with him.