Thursday, September 27, 2007

Memory flashes

A flash of Jim, on the beach somewhere in the Atlantic

A joy and glee that was a rush as he ran full throttle into the water…..diving in to a wave and then realized how cold it was…..

He came up sputtering and yet still smiling. It wasn’t till he was toweling off that he realized he lost his hundred dollar sunglasses, forgotten to be removed as he dove in the water.
Jim and his Indian heritage. Jim was proud of his native american backround. He could never tell me exactly from what Indian nation his blood was from, or from what relative it came, but he was certain he had it. Well, he did have the fairly hairless body of an Indian.
He was not really able to grow a beard along his jaw line but on could on his chin and moustache. He loved the goatee beacue it gave him that beard feel. And he did look sexy in it.
Leaving notes for each other was a common practice. Not the 'honey do list' but rather the nice warm fuzzy feelings ones you find by surprise. A note that says "have a good day, I love you" or "I will be thinking of you honeybunny" and mostly written like the one I found on the back of an envelope "Betsy, I will see you soon, Love Jim". He left them for me to find when he was out the door early in the morning. I would leave them for him in his briefcase, for him to find when he had lunch or pulled a pen out.
I am glad we did that for each other. It was kind of like when we would hold hands in while walking down the street, or in the car, or on the couch or in the movies. It was a gesture of our love.
Jim's green guitar. We were in cocoa beach and it was raining. Apparently it rains in the afternoons there pretty regularly. We went looking for something to do and found a Pawn shop/Music store combo. He went in and fell in love with a beautiful guitar. He had to have it. And that was fine.
It was a nice instrument and he loved to pull it out and strum it. I was told to leave the room and let him practice, but in this house, well, I could hear his voice. It was quiet and warm, it had a calming feel. Jim didn't play well, not yet anyway, but he could pick the notes from the strings on the guitar, and it was music.
The guitar is at home now with Jim's sister. A special piece of the soul of him that she can enjoy and will hopefully make her smile again.
Saddest is that we never had children. I think he was made to have kids and pets and people he could dote on. I watched him with my nieces when they were young, my friends sons and with our pets thru the years. Very good with the children and in getting down to their level to hang out.
Jim would tell me stories of his son and daughter when
they were just toddlers. He would try and share with me how special they were. He described how he would cook them speghetti and how much fun it was to watch them eat. There was a story about how they were all spitting out the window and the spit came back and hit him in the face and both the kids that that was hysterical. He of course was laughing as he told it to me.

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