Monday, September 10, 2007

The Club

I am finding that though I don't want to belong, didn't want to join and have no desire to be in this club, I see other members everywhere now.

The widows club.

I am assuming it is because I am more sensitive to the signs and words. I had a lady stop in to my office, notice my Dalmatian calender and talk about the Dals that she and her husband had. Now she is on her way to assisted living. We talked dogs for a few minutes and she said how one of their three never recovered from her husbands death. I said one of my dogs is doing the same. Though he seems better some days. She had lost her husband in 2000 and she was 76. Couldn't believe that not only were we dal owners, but also widows. We went on to talk about grief groups and what was around. She said she went to a general grief group and didn't find it as satisfying as the one for spousal loss. We talked about Dals and how hardhearted, but loving they were. She sat and talked for almost an hour.

I belong to a messageboard that is for general chit chat on daily news events and saw a signature for one man 'grief growth' and it was about his partner dying and the journey for him. It was a blog of about 2 years length. I just couldn't read it very far. It sounded too familiar. They were together for 22 years and he was struggling with living by himself.

I met a lady at a bookstore that had been a widow for 26 years. Her husband died when she was in her late forties and she never remarried. She said she survived the pain of lonliness with the lord at her side, to get her thru each day.

I turn on the tv and there is an episode of clean house or such, where they come in and clean out stuff and make you sell it. I was captivated and hurting and crying. This woman lost her husband just a couple years earlier and they were getting her to get rid of his stuff.

The house did look beautiful afterwards, but she went thru some severe trauma and I hope they found some counseling for her. I wanted to give her a hug and slap the clean house host.

Well, I guess because I could identify with her. My house in not that dirty, but I do have and do still need Jim in my life. They made a nice wall of mementos for the woman, but I didn't like the idea of just one wall of four or five items. 2 pictures? I don't think so.

If she did need to get on with her life, why not clean up and then help her to deal with it, not just take and say it is time. Argh.

There is no way for someone to fathom the pain, or understand the need for the soulmate to just not be gone, unless they are also a member of this club. The lost someone they love club. I am getting thru the days, trying to hang on to a routine and knowing that more and more life will move on. With or without me. And sadly, without Jim.


GD said...

Remember, the 'cleaning house' episode is all about one thing and that's ratings. Yes, we're everywhere - they're everywhere! And being widowed does make you more aware of others from the same planet - kinda like "Invasion of the Bodysnatchers". The eyes have it! Glean the good and chuck the rest. Even with death, everyone deals with it differently and the bottom line remains the same. I just have to tell you this cool thing that happened today in my garden. A female hummingbird, Hazel (but then I call them all Hazel), hovered 6 inches in front of my face. For the first time, I actually felt a breeze from her wings! I couldn't stop grinning. Am I changing the subject? Nah, it's all life.

Andra said...

Thanks for writing this.