Thursday, June 14, 2007

Losing a soulmate

My husband died May 29th.

My heart broke that day. When the doctor came in and sat next to me, all the visions of them doing this on the tv show ER became clear. I knew what he was going to say. I knew that Jim was gone, but I didn't 'feel' him go. I didn't want him to be gone.

It has been 15 days and I still can't wrap my head around the fact that he is gone. I still wait for him to walk in the door. I look at the spot where he last sat and want him to be there.

How do people get thru this? Well, someone suggested I write. I keep a journal. I let my emotions out and don't hide from them.

So I am going to blog my way thru it. I may be blogging for years or maybe just a few months. Anyone that reads this will be suffering the pain in my chest that I feel as I think about the emptiness in my bed and in my home. You will be hearing the stories that I have to get out about the laughter that filled our home when JW was around. He loved to make people laugh. He had a quirky sense of humor that never failed to make people either smile or grimace.

I am going to write every night - so these will also be short blogs. Not really interesting to anyone but me, but I hope by sharing my feelings, it may help someone else to get thru a tough time.

A Night in the Forest is a line from John Denvers 'Annies Song'. This was our wedding song and JW picked it out. I was not given any choice. He loved me and this said it all.

2 comments:

Don Sakers said...

Betsy:

I have a pretty good imagination, but I literally cannot imagine what you're going through. Nor what my father went through, when he lost his wife of 50+ years. Nor other friends who have lost their soulmates.

Or maybe I just don't want to imagine it, I don't know.

One thing I do know: sorrow shared is sorrow lessened. If only by a minuscule amount. All of us who love you (and there are a lot of us) will be with you on this journey. And maybe we can learn something about living with grief.

I remember a phrase from some all-but-forgotten book I read sometime: "her private world of pain." Pain can be like that...it can cut one off from the world, fill one's whole mind, become one's only reality. I think that throwing open this window into your private world of pain will help, maybe, to keep you from getting quite so cut off.

Anyway, thanks for doing this blog, and I hope it helps!

-Don

Anonymous said...

Bets, the blog is a great idea. You have always had a gift for writing, and this will help you so much.
Always know, we are right here getting through this, with you. laughing, smiling and crying, but always with you.
By the way, "Annie's song" was played at my wedding too. It's an awesome song, that says so much, doesn't it?
Keep up the writing, and we keep being here.
Jeannie