Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Tell me it's okay!

I really want to get rid of some of the big furniture I have in the house. Mostly the big dresser that we never could get upstairs and has been in my living room for 10 years. It is gorgeous heavy solid wood and not a cheap piece. It's family is upstairs - an amoire, a bed, and 2 night stands. I think I have holes in my wall on the stairs from the amoire going up there when we moved in.

More and more I want to clear the house of stuff. Old stuff. I don't want to get rid of everything Jim and I owned, but some of it just isn't right for the house anymore. This makes me confused and sad.

I was at a friends house this past weekend and was loving how things were just so nicely put together. I mean, the house wasn't pin perfect neat, and it had lots of stuff that had been collected over the years, but it all sort of worked together. We had that in our house up north and it was great. I miss that. Now I feel very squashed and mishmashed. It is a lot of the same stuff, it's just not fitting into this house very well.

My dream. I have said it over and over and just can't find a way out. I wish, my ultimate dream, would be to sell this and get a place with a yard and just one story. A trailer, a ranch house, a shack. Just something other than this place. I just can't make the numbers crunch enough to do it.

So until then, I will continue to reshape the house I am in. Sometimes, for just a moment it feels like it is almost, trying hard to be, home.

1 comment:

Ferree Bowman Hardy said...

Dear Betts, I've never commented before, but I was surprised no one said, "Of course it's OK!" Because, really--IT IS! Our homes reflect so much of who we are . . . they change with us . . . so I think your feelings about your home are perfectly natural. Or at least its exactly what I went through. My house was as ripped apart as my heart, but slowly it got put back together, just like my heart. Keep dreaming and do what you can and what you think is lovely for your house, it's very meaningful and I wish you the best.