Thursday, April 29, 2010

2 plus 11

Yep. 2 years and 11 months since Jim has been gone.

I have said it before, and will say it again, but some days it feels like just yesterday and some days it feels like forever and sometimes I look up from the computer thinking I hear his step coming thru the front door and I wait, breathless for a second, to hear the 'hello' he always yelled out and then his 'oh hi boy' in a lower voice as he would pet Merc and Tigg and Fig while they greeted him, and it gave me a minute to run down the stairs. Then, wrapping my arms around his neck and ignoring bags and coats and anything else, just to let him know I missed him.

Yep, sometimes.

The house gets quiet and I don't mean to, but I do, I wait to hear him stirring downstairs. If I can think that then maybe I can think he isn't really gone. I catch myself doing this, then shaking my head, a little smile and feeling sad, silly and wondering why it still happens. Though, honestly, I don't know that I mind it.

1 comment:

Rogue Woman said...

Had a huge loss a little over two years ago which caused massive depression and the birth of my blog. We are here also, people feeling similar to you. I wish you luck in your healing and your journey and I still wake in the middle of the night thinking my loved ones have stopped breathing, not sure when that is going to go away if ever. :(