Addiction

This has been the week of the cold. Not the cold weather but my cold - runny or stuffy nose kind of cold.

Not bad, but sometimes coughing, always blowing my nose and with my voice sounding a bit funny. I never went to see the doctor and just when I feel I am past it, like yesterday, it flares back up. I keep telling myself this is not me. I don't usually get sick. I mean, when it first started I went to my medicine cabinet and pulled out some dayquill. The expiration date on the side of the box was 3/2008 - that tells you 1) how long it has been since I checked in there and 2)how much even longer it has been since I needed it.

How much mucus can a human body create? I have gone thru a couple boxes of tissues. THANK YOU Mr. Kleenex for this invention. Or maybe it was Ms. Puff's. History is not quite sure about that.

Anyway, most of the fight with the cold has been nasal. Now many years ago I had something like this and my doctor suggested Nasal Spray before coming in to see him. That was back in the days when doctors talked to you without charging you. So I used the Nasal Spray and was able to breathe. I liked this. Then I stopped using it and my sinuses sort got stuffy again. I used it again. This was a repeat for many weeks. I realized at some point I was addicted to the spray and I weaned myself off of it. I am sure it has something to do with my nasal passages not being very well made and getting enough oxygation which has always been my main excuse for my mental incapacity. So, now, many years later I find myself in this loop again. I want to breathe. I use the spray and yesterday I realized that I had to use more to get it to work. Oh my. My need is becoming stronger. The addiction is back. Last night, I decided, that's it. I was going to wean myself off of it again, even if it meant blowing half my body fluid out my nose and losing the skin around my nostrils from chaffing.

I am going to fight this thing. I can do it.