Nov 4th

It seems like I keep writing about milestones. Today is a wedding anniversary. Ours. 19 years ago on November 4th 1989 at 6pm Jim and I got married.

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As I write this evening, my head is just filled with memories and they are hard to separate and organize. The best I can do is babble them out as they come.

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I found our engagement photo. My Mom took it and was so happy to be able to post it in the local paper. And no, I don't know what was going on with my make- up there. It was the late 80's though. I know we were so happy then. To be able to tell my Mom and to know that she approved. I know that she really liked Jim and he was a good son in law.

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This next picture was taken later that day in my Mom's pool. I think my Mom took the picture for us, so we had to camp it up a bit. We were celebrating the engagement and enjoying life that day. Boy we do look happy!

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It was sunny, warm and we were in my Mom's pool out back. This brings back memories of a suggestion that was made by Jim to me in regards to pool activities. He was a pretty crazy guy...I mean, my Mom was just inside the house!

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I am thinking of my bridesmaids, Cindy and Melissa and how their husbands (Andrew and Michael) came in to the ceremony at the tail end of it. They were out having pizza or bowling or something like that and thought the wedding didn't start till 6:30. Andrew was with me at the memorial service for Jim and it wasn't till just now that I realized he was at the start and the finish, as several of our friends were.

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My mind jumps now and I think of the wedding reception. I can close my eyes and hear the glasses clinking together, a sign that we have to kiss. They seemed to clink all night! There was also the look in Jim's eyes when we were cutting the cake. We both agreed not to smear it all over each other as some do. But he was tempted for a moment. I know he was.

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I was going to play the wedding video tonight and am not sure now if I can do it. To hear the words, the voice, the photos brought to life, well, that may be more than I can stand. I have played it once in the last 17 months. The wedding was a joyous union that I don't want to mar my memory of with my tears. I would rather close my eyes again and hear the DJ (our friend Andrew) saying "And here is Mr. and Mrs. Childs for their first dance as married couple". Yes, I can still close my eyes and feel Jim's arm around mine, tightening to guide me, as we dance to our special music.

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We were married for 17 1/2 years and I am still counting the days, months and years. I haven't been able to stop counting.