Monday, May 26, 2008

This Day

Well, it started out as a good idea. Clean up the dirty laundry and maybe pack up some more tee shirts of Jim's. There are an awful lot of them. Stupid stupid stupid me. I got thru about half and then melted down.

I think this was something I needed to do alone. I had friends offer, and I appreciate that, however, as I was letting the emotions take over, I thought I am getting a lot more out then if I had to keep up the 'brave' face with my friends. Even when with a non brave face I cry with them about the pain that has come when I lost Jim, and I know I am not letting it all out. I got it out today. I was waiting for a neighbor to call the police from the caterwauling.

Well, Jim and I both 'collected' tee shirts. All with some memory attached to them. Something he saw in them that made them special. A favorite superhero, something we did, place we went, movie we saw.

I really wish the time machine was in my backyard. Dammit, would someone please let me borrow theirs? I know there must be one out there somewhere!!! If not to be used to change anything, I could accept that, but I would love to go back a year ago just to see see see this day again. Just a short juant. One year. One year and a few hours to gaze at Jim laughing, smiles and touching.

A year ago, today he was still here. At 11 pm that night we talked about how great a day it was. Shopping and Jim getting mistaken for a Trader Joe's employee. Relaxing at home. Going to see Spiderman 3 and Jim wearing his Spidey tee shirt. We watched some Columbo episode and he read comics. I don't want to remember the rest.

There are often couples that have things in common and things that one is interested in that the other isn't. I am not sure I believe opposites attract. Well, maybe they attract, but likes attract also. Jim and I were likes. We had similiar taste in a lot of things and tolerance for when the tastes differed. Gives and takes as in an union. One thing we had in common was the love of tee shirts. The main stay of our wardrobe. I would like to save these somehow. I haven't figured that out yet, but am thinking on it. My niece says a quilt, or maybe frame them?

I have some more folding to do. Thanks for letting me get this out. It may have been Donna Summers on the itunes that really set it off. Jim's tee shirts + Donna Summers (jim's music) = memories leading to the tears of the heart.


Rach said...

I'm glad you were able to cry and get it out. I know about keeping a brave face and I know about needing to let it all out. Good for you for doing it.

Betsy, if my time machine were working, I'd drop by and pick you up and we could go back to this date one year ago together. I'm so so sorry you are living this. So sorry.

Hugs and more HUGS.

Linda said...

I think a quilt is a wonderful idea for those t shirts. You could just wrap yourself up in memories.
My grandson and I built a time machine out of a huge box a couple of weekends ago. How I wish (oh, and so does he)that it really worked. I'd so let you borrow it!