Friday, November 23, 2007


A day late, but I wanted to talk about a new family tradition.

I bought six candles that could burn all day and had a little 'ceremony' in the morning. It is a new tradition and a way to remember and keep Jim with me throughout the day.

Holiday Candle Ceremony

As we light these five candles in memory of and in honor of you, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories, one for our love, and one for our hope.

  • This candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love for you.
  • This candle represents our courage - to confront our sorrow, to comfort each other, and to change our lives.
  • This candle is in your memory - the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things you did, and the caring and joy you gave to us.
  • This candle is the light of love. As we enter this holiday season, day by day we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We thank you for the gift your living brought to each of us.
  • And this candle is the light of hope. It reminds us of the love and the memories of you that are ours forever.
  • This candle is for you, my special love that can not be here today, but is with us everyday.

May the glow of the flame be our source of hopefulness now and forever. We love you.

I read about this on a grief website and thought it would be a nice tradition to start. As I lit each candle I read the words and when I got to the last candle, I said a little more after that about missing him and what the last six months has been like and what his love has done to make me a better person in the last 17 years and how he touched so many other people.

I lit the candles in the morning leaving them to burn till after the thanksgiving dinner. I chose some scented candles with Jim's favorite holiday scents. Pine needles and warm apple pie. It was suggested to have the loved ones candle a different color from the others. The 'Jim' candle was the warm apple pie scent. He would like that. Also, on future holidays, I can say the same words and invite others to join me in the ceremony. It will make it a special experience. If someone else has been lost that year, we can add another candle if desired.

1 comment:

Laurie said...

Hi Betsy, This is a beautiful new tradition for you. What heartfelt meaning in each of the words. I am so glad for you this weekend. You sound so peaceful and blessed, knowing the pain underneath it all. You honor Jim really good and I know you make him proud. I am so glad this trip to your sisters was your choice and I am happy with you for this restoring time. You have truly earned it for your heart.

Love, Laurie in Ca.