46

46 and feeling like I am 146.

So, a long time ago, my Mom and Dad went to a party in NYC. They were living in Englewood NJ at the time. My older brother and older sister got to stay home. It was late January or so. They got stuck in a bit of a storm and had to spend the night there. And then September came and so did I.

My Mom told me that I was her only natural childbirth baby and that made me special to her(sorry siblings). She was not supposed to have me 'natural' style as my older brother had been born via C section and usually, once a C always a C. At least back then. Her doc was very very good and told her things to do to help make it possible. And it was - Me!!!

Birthdays I remember - my 10th birthday party was one of the first big ones I remember. A gaggle of girls and a lot of giggling and torturing of little brother and his friend that were torturing us. I remember my Mom made this big cake and served it to us in the backyard on our phone line picnic table. You know, the big round top and a column and then the big round bottom. Perfect tables. Back then I think they were being left on the side of the road. Or maybe we got it at the local dump. I wouldn't be surprised at either, knowing my Mom.

When I turned 11 I got a bicycle and a dog. My first 'very own' dog. My first adult bike that didn't have a bananna seat or huge handlebars. The dog was a german shepard/collie mix and her name was Sugar. She was very sweet and came to us not fixed. It was the 70's, not a big deal then. Well, I got to watch her mate with some other dog and then my Dad tossed water on them. I will never forget the two dogs standing butt to butt attached somehow and howling. She had 8 puppies. She also got fixed.

My 12th birthday was awesome - I got to go see David Cassidy in concert. Got to take 2 friends. Oh the poor guy was stoned and or drunk my mom said. I didn't notice, and neither did the thousands of other teen girls. My Mom loved to tell about how she stepped out for some air at some point and there was a crowd of other Moms all out there talking.

Well, 13 is blurry, but if it is attached to the pictures I have of me blowing out a cake, it is very scary. I hope no one has hair like that ever. Gosh I was geeky at 13. It was 1974. What else could you be.

Now, at age 14 I had a huge mega crush on the uncle of my friend next door. He was so cool. He had a pony tail and talked to us about stuff and was old (maybe 25 or so) He gave me a book on horses, as I was into my horses are life phase. I still have the book. Somewhere.

I have had three surprise parties thrown for me. One in college where I actually knew about it and helped my friend plan it with my boyfriend...but HE didn't know. I got to sit in the car looking sad that no one had called me. Then be surprised. It was fun. I think everyone knew that I knew but him. He said at one point I was looking so sad he almost told me. I never told him I knew. He was so happy to do it. I did get him a great birthday present when it was his turn. Oh boy.

My brother in law John has my same birthday, just a few years younger. (happy birthday John!) Now, he worked with my sister in law and they got along well. He mentioned wanting to get to know her better. When my SIL's birthday came up, there was a party for her, so I told him to take my invitation and go on over to see her. It worked out well and he was her favorite present. They married and I think just hit 10 years of marriage.

I can't explain how strange the day has been without Jim to share the birthday fun with. But, my family has helped. My friends have helped and support has come from interesting corners. Thank you all. Yesterday was really tough. Getting thru this makes me think that the steps taken will help me for the next road bump...Jim's birthday in October, our anniversary in November and the holidays to follow. Not going to be easy, any of them. I hope I can, I think I can, I want to, make it.