The Morning Bus Ride

Oh boy, it is 9 a.m. and already I am heated up. Not only from the temperature and humidity outside but also from my bus ride this morning.

I take a 10 minute bus ride from home to work. Easy enough. This morning I got on, noticed someone I knew from our neighborhood alliance group (one of the officers) and asked her what was happening and how the last meeting went.

She said 'come to the meetings'.

I was a bit taken aback and told her I hadn't been able to make it (didn't tell her why) and told her I was interested in what any neighborhood news there was. She said "read the newsletter that's what it's there for." I then felt my sharp tongue coming out and my head heating up. I snapped back "I was just curious, sorry I bothered you". She countered with "the meetings are every second tuesday" I should have taken the cue from that and just let it go. Not me. I could feel my eyebrows going up. I answered her with "oh just don't worry about it, thank you". It was in probably my most sarcastic tone of voice. Well, no probably about it. Sarcasm dripped from me.

Bus rage? Is that like road rage only you get mad at the people on the bus? Well, I don't know, but I pulled out a book (I always carry one) and started reading. Of course I couldn't read a single word but I stared intently at the page. She looked at me, moved to the other side of the bus and got off two stops up.

So, for a change this morning I am NOT mad at God. Not mad at Jim. Not mad at myself. Not mad at anyone but this lady. I was genuinely interested in what had happened. I had not gotten a newsletter recently. I haven't been back, but more because of Jim's passing than of lack of interest.

I guess I was mad because I reacted so quickly and just very stand- off. She was short but to be honest, not really rude. Thinking it out, maybe she didn't want to discuss neighborhood stuff on the bus. (the very empty bus). Oh well.

I walked two blocks from the bus stop to work and took deep breaths, cursed about living in that crappy neighborhood in the crappy house in the crappy city and trying to figure out in the 7 minute walk what to do to get the hell out of there. I then told myself not to sweat the small stuff. And this neighborhood group is small stuff trying to act big.

I sweated anyway, but that was because of the heat.

At work, the air conditioning in the office is cooling me down. And as always, just writing it out helps.

And being mad at someone else....besides the ones I have been mad at for the last 35 days actually felt good. In a weird sort of Betsy way.