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Here it comes again. My chest feels split open and my tears are hot on my cheeks.

Happy Birthday to me.

I got thru (Yes, I knew who sent me one of them from the snake on the stamp.)

As I was letting the dogs out and then reading the cards and smiling, I started looking around. Then I remembered what I thought yesterday. I am a year older and it's a year older without Jim. Time didn't stop. I stood in the living room and cried because I don't want to get older without Jim laughing with me about it. What is a birthday without a birthday kiss from Jim. It's nothing. That realization hurt. I don't even really care how that sounds - pyscho or cracked or whatever, it just isn't right. And I don't remember it hurting so much last year.

One shining here is the clouds is the card I found. From 2006. Jim's last birthday card to me. He took Snoopy and gave him Dalmatian spots. He made one of the spots a heart. Oh my. oh my.



I am going to wash my face and go to dinner with some good friends. I know the distraction will be good. They are friends of Jim's also and really have been wonderful and supportative and understanding.