I smile as I look at them because you can see the genes coming through. I now know why I have this big forehead - thanks Granddad! I have my Dad's eyebrows - the shape anyway, not the thickness thank god! Family's are fun to delve into.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Granddad and Dad and sons
I found some pics of my Grandfather and Dad and Dad and his sons (my older brother in the 3rd pic and my younger brother in the 4th pic).
I smile as I look at them because you can see the genes coming through. I now know why I have this big forehead - thanks Granddad! I have my Dad's eyebrows - the shape anyway, not the thickness thank god! Family's are fun to delve into.
I smile as I look at them because you can see the genes coming through. I now know why I have this big forehead - thanks Granddad! I have my Dad's eyebrows - the shape anyway, not the thickness thank god! Family's are fun to delve into.
Monday, February 16, 2009
A leaf on the wind
Me and the cute guy above, oh yeah. That is Alan Tudyk and he was a guest at the science fiction convention I was at this past weekend. I have a small 'brag'. On friday night there was a dinner banquet and afterwards he came around to some of the tables and was chatting with us.
As he reached our table I was trying to think of what to say. Well, he practically fed me the line. In a very natural voice, like he was talking to a long time friend, he said to me "oh man, Joss's new show is starting right now!" I chuckled, leaned towards him and asked why he didn't pull his iphone out and use that to program his direct tv from it. It was a great moment. His face lit up and he laughed and he is a lot cuter in real life than on screen.
The reason I said that particular line is because of this new commercial he is in for Direct tv, when during a bank robbery his friend is using the phone to make sure they don't miss a show. I saw the commercial a few times before I realized it was Alan (and the sidekick from Pysch too).
The next day when Alan was signing autographs, I got this picture taken with him. He was a wonderful guest star and very personable.
Friday, February 13, 2009
The Doppler effect
My friend Thomas came over tonight to help make a vision into a reality. I am going this weekend to a Star Trek convention. While there I will be guest hosting a panel that will discuss a new tv show. The Big Bang Theory. It is a fun show about guys that are smart and geeky. That collect comics and action figures and go to cons.
.
In one episode they all attend a Halloween party. Sheldon is a super smart, yet bad in public social situations geek. His costume was The Doppler Effect. A series of white stripes on a black shirt and the impression of them getting wider and thus louder. No one at the party seems to get it and thinks he is a zebra. His persistance in the validity of his costume made it special because as a movie/convention going geek, I have worn many a costume that maybe only I got. But it didn't matter, the costumes were still appreciated by the fans around me.
Here is Sheldon and his Doppler Effect costume from the show.
.
.
In one episode they all attend a Halloween party. Sheldon is a super smart, yet bad in public social situations geek. His costume was The Doppler Effect. A series of white stripes on a black shirt and the impression of them getting wider and thus louder. No one at the party seems to get it and thinks he is a zebra. His persistance in the validity of his costume made it special because as a movie/convention going geek, I have worn many a costume that maybe only I got. But it didn't matter, the costumes were still appreciated by the fans around me.
Here is Sheldon and his Doppler Effect costume from the show.
.
My version is just a shirt (I couldn't copy the pants) and not quite so many stripes, but I am very proud of it. I didn't do much more then think of it and get Thomas to help me. I baked him cookies while he put stripes on the shirt. It came out great. I will be interested to see if any recognizes me tomorrow....of if they all think I am a zebra.
.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Matchstick legs and 9 red trucks
What a memory rush. I was going thru old emails and found some I wrote to a friend. This first one I sent to her on May 14, 2007. Just 15 days before Jim's death. There are three total and they go back in time newest to oldest. I read these and laughed and cried at the memory of that 'other life' I had.
-----------------------
Hi,
I wanted to tell you the fun we had yesterday. You will get a kick out of this. Jim and I went up to Walmarts. Boy did they love us there. Spent about 300.00 and most of it was on clothes.
Jim has a new job and is stressed out to the max. He has been working at this US Postal station as a supervisor and as the newest of three, he is getting the butt end of the supervisors job. Soooo, we went to the Walmart to get kitty litter, fly traps and some dvd sleeves for the notebooks.
Ha ha. I tell you, he went wild and got a couple dress shirts for the summer, 2 dvd movies, some new sandals, some new around the house slippery type shoes, a new watch w/light so he can see it at night and most amazing....a pair of shorts. Shorts you say? well, Jim hasn't worn shorts in the summer since....um....since....yeah. I don't remember when. He wore them when he got home and looked very cute. Matchstick legs and white as a ghost. But he said he was comfortable so that is good.
I was very good at Walmart and only got a couple things - and they were on the clearance racks! I will say that for spending the money, Jim has worked for it. His job (as I was saying earlier before I got distracted with men in shorts) has been working him from 9am till 9 or 10 pm. 6 days a week for the last two weeks. That means almost 30 hours overtime. After his normal 40hrs. He is exhausted and wants to just lay down. But he keeps on going. He is a fighter. So, we went shopping for him.
--------------
And another email to my friend this one dated october 30th 2006
Hi,
I saw that you called and I tried to call back but just got your voicemail.
Jim and I had our usual Sunday ride. We like to go for a ride out of the city about once a month, sometimes more - just to get away from it all.
We piled into the truck, hook up the iPod and drove up 83 north towards PA. You know as much as I loved being in NH with you, I really want to live in PA someday. Anyway we got to see some muted Fall leaves and enjoy the fall air. After a bit we turned off of 83 north and went onto the adventure of the smaller country roads. This is always the part I love. It's why visiting you is so much fun.
To look at the country houses, some very old, some from the 60 and 70's and some very new McMansions. To see the horses grazing in the fields and the lines of white fences. Maryland is a horse country state. We also had the fun of getting a little lost. I say a little because we knew from the where the sun was in the sky that we were heading in the right direction - just taking the long way to get there. It made it much more fun.
Jim was singing both BeeGees and Toby Keith and I was belting out Donna Summer and Footloose and some Meatloaf. Mostly off key, but still with enthusiasm.We did get to stop and pick up some pumpkins at a roadside stand. We saw within two miles of a group of houses no less than nine red trucks. Different brands and ages, but all red. Oh Sandy we laughed because we were in a red truck too. I guess red is a good truck color.
We went over two bridges, over the same river, only at different spots and going two different directions. Saw 17 scarecrows hanging in various parts of the yards and in various degrees of realism and decoration. Guess scarecrows are a natural Halloween decoration out in the countryland. Oh and ask Jim about the getting lost and not caring. We had fun with that today.
Came home, made some popcorn and watched Wrath of Khan. Hadn't seen that without commercials in awhile.All in all, it was a good day. I think the dogs were mad because they didn't go with us, but we took them for a long walk and they are collapsed at our feet.
Things are looking good for a drive up there maybe sometime in the summer. If you come down this way let us know.
--------
And just one more, this one was dated January 18th, 2006 - a lifetime ago.
Hi,
I am glad to hear you had a good week and that Michael and Jake are feeling better. I hate when everyone in the house is sick at once.
Last night here it was great. We sat cuddled up on the couch, with the dogs on either side of us. Jim and I were watching tv - Smallville then the 24 episode we had been saving to watch. Thank you for telling us about Tivo!
You know, all we needed was some hot chocolate and popcorn to make it really perfect - of course, neither hot chocolate or popcorn would last with mercury or tigger there. It would be spilled or have to be held way up high and then eaten a little at a time and they would be wagging tails and drooling and whining for some. And Jim would have given it to them.
So we enjoyed a couple hours of cuddling and warm bodies and our favorite tv characters in high tension situations and that was good enough. I know Michael watches Smallville, what does he think of it this season?
Well, it was a nice night. And as usual, the dishes didn't get done last night. Nope, the trash was not taken out. We just allieviated ourselves from the daily drudgerys. Wheeee! that was fun, but it wasn't fun this morning when I did them. Oh well. You have to pay the price.
At your place we could have been watching the fire and the tv. Here we were just staring at the tv - and it was right where the fireplace is. Only the fireplace doesnt work - all closed off. If we had the money and were going to redecorate, I would take the mantle out and build an entertainment center there instead - shelves for dvds and tape and components and tivos and recorders. I keep sitting there and imagining it. I just can't get Jim to take the plunge and take the mantle down.
Oh Mercury and Tigger were pretty happy. They got to lay up on the couch with mommy and daddy. They love that and each pick one of us to cuddle to and then they have to decide the other is having it better and switch. Like normal kids, just as the show got exciting they decided it was time to play tug of war right in front of the tv. I thought of Jake and his 'must have a juicy cup' routine and told it to Jim. What a hoot that kid is. He keeps you on your toes I know.
All the rest of our life is pretty about normal. Jim has a long commute, I have a short one. We both enjoy our jobs and I still want to move. Oh well. What will be will be.
-----------------------
Hi,
I wanted to tell you the fun we had yesterday. You will get a kick out of this. Jim and I went up to Walmarts. Boy did they love us there. Spent about 300.00 and most of it was on clothes.
Jim has a new job and is stressed out to the max. He has been working at this US Postal station as a supervisor and as the newest of three, he is getting the butt end of the supervisors job. Soooo, we went to the Walmart to get kitty litter, fly traps and some dvd sleeves for the notebooks.
Ha ha. I tell you, he went wild and got a couple dress shirts for the summer, 2 dvd movies, some new sandals, some new around the house slippery type shoes, a new watch w/light so he can see it at night and most amazing....a pair of shorts. Shorts you say? well, Jim hasn't worn shorts in the summer since....um....since....yeah. I don't remember when. He wore them when he got home and looked very cute. Matchstick legs and white as a ghost. But he said he was comfortable so that is good.
I was very good at Walmart and only got a couple things - and they were on the clearance racks! I will say that for spending the money, Jim has worked for it. His job (as I was saying earlier before I got distracted with men in shorts) has been working him from 9am till 9 or 10 pm. 6 days a week for the last two weeks. That means almost 30 hours overtime. After his normal 40hrs. He is exhausted and wants to just lay down. But he keeps on going. He is a fighter. So, we went shopping for him.
--------------
And another email to my friend this one dated october 30th 2006
Hi,
I saw that you called and I tried to call back but just got your voicemail.
Jim and I had our usual Sunday ride. We like to go for a ride out of the city about once a month, sometimes more - just to get away from it all.
We piled into the truck, hook up the iPod and drove up 83 north towards PA. You know as much as I loved being in NH with you, I really want to live in PA someday. Anyway we got to see some muted Fall leaves and enjoy the fall air. After a bit we turned off of 83 north and went onto the adventure of the smaller country roads. This is always the part I love. It's why visiting you is so much fun.
To look at the country houses, some very old, some from the 60 and 70's and some very new McMansions. To see the horses grazing in the fields and the lines of white fences. Maryland is a horse country state. We also had the fun of getting a little lost. I say a little because we knew from the where the sun was in the sky that we were heading in the right direction - just taking the long way to get there. It made it much more fun.
Jim was singing both BeeGees and Toby Keith and I was belting out Donna Summer and Footloose and some Meatloaf. Mostly off key, but still with enthusiasm.We did get to stop and pick up some pumpkins at a roadside stand. We saw within two miles of a group of houses no less than nine red trucks. Different brands and ages, but all red. Oh Sandy we laughed because we were in a red truck too. I guess red is a good truck color.
We went over two bridges, over the same river, only at different spots and going two different directions. Saw 17 scarecrows hanging in various parts of the yards and in various degrees of realism and decoration. Guess scarecrows are a natural Halloween decoration out in the countryland. Oh and ask Jim about the getting lost and not caring. We had fun with that today.
Came home, made some popcorn and watched Wrath of Khan. Hadn't seen that without commercials in awhile.All in all, it was a good day. I think the dogs were mad because they didn't go with us, but we took them for a long walk and they are collapsed at our feet.
Things are looking good for a drive up there maybe sometime in the summer. If you come down this way let us know.
--------
And just one more, this one was dated January 18th, 2006 - a lifetime ago.
Hi,
I am glad to hear you had a good week and that Michael and Jake are feeling better. I hate when everyone in the house is sick at once.
Last night here it was great. We sat cuddled up on the couch, with the dogs on either side of us. Jim and I were watching tv - Smallville then the 24 episode we had been saving to watch. Thank you for telling us about Tivo!
You know, all we needed was some hot chocolate and popcorn to make it really perfect - of course, neither hot chocolate or popcorn would last with mercury or tigger there. It would be spilled or have to be held way up high and then eaten a little at a time and they would be wagging tails and drooling and whining for some. And Jim would have given it to them.
So we enjoyed a couple hours of cuddling and warm bodies and our favorite tv characters in high tension situations and that was good enough. I know Michael watches Smallville, what does he think of it this season?
Well, it was a nice night. And as usual, the dishes didn't get done last night. Nope, the trash was not taken out. We just allieviated ourselves from the daily drudgerys. Wheeee! that was fun, but it wasn't fun this morning when I did them. Oh well. You have to pay the price.
At your place we could have been watching the fire and the tv. Here we were just staring at the tv - and it was right where the fireplace is. Only the fireplace doesnt work - all closed off. If we had the money and were going to redecorate, I would take the mantle out and build an entertainment center there instead - shelves for dvds and tape and components and tivos and recorders. I keep sitting there and imagining it. I just can't get Jim to take the plunge and take the mantle down.
Oh Mercury and Tigger were pretty happy. They got to lay up on the couch with mommy and daddy. They love that and each pick one of us to cuddle to and then they have to decide the other is having it better and switch. Like normal kids, just as the show got exciting they decided it was time to play tug of war right in front of the tv. I thought of Jake and his 'must have a juicy cup' routine and told it to Jim. What a hoot that kid is. He keeps you on your toes I know.
All the rest of our life is pretty about normal. Jim has a long commute, I have a short one. We both enjoy our jobs and I still want to move. Oh well. What will be will be.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Radiance
That though the radiance which was once so bright,
be now forever taken from my sight.
Though nothing can bring back the hour,
of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower.
We will grieve not, rather find,
strength in what remains behind.
by William Wordsworth
be now forever taken from my sight.
Though nothing can bring back the hour,
of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower.
We will grieve not, rather find,
strength in what remains behind.
by William Wordsworth
I had another post that I have been working on, but I heard this quote and just had to share it. The poem is called "Ode - Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood"
Sunday, February 1, 2009
billy joel and william shatner
While talking with some friends next door we discussed singers and concerts we have seen. I was reminded of the concert to see Billy Joel in Boston back in '98 or '99 (?).
Jim got tickets as surprise, he knew how much both of us enjoyed Billy Joel and it was a great present. Neither of us are concert goers and as some different and something very we could appreciate it was a great choice.
Billy Joel was fantastic.
We went to the Fleet Center in Boston and had dinner before we got there. Some of the fun was found in going to the Center, getting settled in our seats and watching the preshow fun. Then to see Billy Joel come out on stage and to hear him perform all of our favorites, well, that was just amazing. We had no problem standing and cheering at the end.
Suprises like this were something that Jim was very good at. He loved to plan them out. When we were dating he took to see William Shatner speak. He didn't tell me where we were going. It was another one of those moments when things clicked in my head and I knew I didn't want to let him go.
There was the time I was training a new manager up in Boston (before we moved there) and was staying at a hotel for 3 weeks. Jim showed up for a surprise weekend visit. He arranged everything and it was very sweet. He said it was because he was tired of his own cooking. Ha. He told me that he made a huge bowl of tunafish and ate that for a week and then a huge bowl of spaghetti and ate that for a week. And I can see that. He would often have food binges. Not binges like over eating, but rather where he would eat the same thing for two or three days in a row.
There were the little surprises like the flowers he would come home with on friday afternoons. For no reason other then it was friday. On the flip side, I know there were things I did for him as pleasant surprises, but none come to mind right now. I guess he could remember some if he was asked.
Jim got tickets as surprise, he knew how much both of us enjoyed Billy Joel and it was a great present. Neither of us are concert goers and as some different and something very we could appreciate it was a great choice.
Billy Joel was fantastic.
We went to the Fleet Center in Boston and had dinner before we got there. Some of the fun was found in going to the Center, getting settled in our seats and watching the preshow fun. Then to see Billy Joel come out on stage and to hear him perform all of our favorites, well, that was just amazing. We had no problem standing and cheering at the end.
Suprises like this were something that Jim was very good at. He loved to plan them out. When we were dating he took to see William Shatner speak. He didn't tell me where we were going. It was another one of those moments when things clicked in my head and I knew I didn't want to let him go.
There was the time I was training a new manager up in Boston (before we moved there) and was staying at a hotel for 3 weeks. Jim showed up for a surprise weekend visit. He arranged everything and it was very sweet. He said it was because he was tired of his own cooking. Ha. He told me that he made a huge bowl of tunafish and ate that for a week and then a huge bowl of spaghetti and ate that for a week. And I can see that. He would often have food binges. Not binges like over eating, but rather where he would eat the same thing for two or three days in a row.
There were the little surprises like the flowers he would come home with on friday afternoons. For no reason other then it was friday. On the flip side, I know there were things I did for him as pleasant surprises, but none come to mind right now. I guess he could remember some if he was asked.
thumbs
I have found myself kind of weepy the last couple days. I think it is the because I am experiencing some of the moving forward without Jim feeling.
Driving to my cinema club meeting the other night I got teary and couldn't put a finger on why. Other than, Jim should have been driving and me in the passenger seat.
Then there is the story of the sliver under my nail. I did dishes and was washing a wooden spoon and a small sliver went right up under my thumbnail. OW! that hurt and I can understand the use of it in torture now. I thought I got it out but wasn't sure. It got a bit swollen last night and throbbing so I went to the Patient First clinic near me. The guy had to numb my thumb, slice the nail down the center and clean it out. He said I had really hard nails and that there wasn't much of a sliver left, but there was a lot of pus and that was what made it swell.
Before he did the minor cut, I was in the room by myself. And I was feeling very lonely and kept looking over to the chair where Jim would be if he was with me. I closed my eyes and imagined his laugh and wanted to feel his grip in mine. I got weepy about him not being there. Damn it.
So I am home now and with antibiotics and vicodin for pain it has not been too bad. Typing is kind of weird, but I am learning to type with the side of my thumb, so it works.
Driving to my cinema club meeting the other night I got teary and couldn't put a finger on why. Other than, Jim should have been driving and me in the passenger seat.
Then there is the story of the sliver under my nail. I did dishes and was washing a wooden spoon and a small sliver went right up under my thumbnail. OW! that hurt and I can understand the use of it in torture now. I thought I got it out but wasn't sure. It got a bit swollen last night and throbbing so I went to the Patient First clinic near me. The guy had to numb my thumb, slice the nail down the center and clean it out. He said I had really hard nails and that there wasn't much of a sliver left, but there was a lot of pus and that was what made it swell.
Before he did the minor cut, I was in the room by myself. And I was feeling very lonely and kept looking over to the chair where Jim would be if he was with me. I closed my eyes and imagined his laugh and wanted to feel his grip in mine. I got weepy about him not being there. Damn it.
So I am home now and with antibiotics and vicodin for pain it has not been too bad. Typing is kind of weird, but I am learning to type with the side of my thumb, so it works.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Shoulder to knees
Another funny - almost Jim pic..
Story backround. We were at a Star Trek convention and hanging out with friends. That is about it.
.Jim is there, in the back right wearing a blue 'Thing' tee shirt and some khaki pants. You see him, next to the flowers. Hands in pocket and such. Probably talking to our friend Tim about characters found in Battlestar Galactica or about the upcoming Fantastic Four movie or the previous Batman flick. Or maybe just where to go to have a bite to eat.
.
The woman in the front, on the couch, who this picture is really about, is a friend of ours. I saw the picture and then zoomed in on that small section of Jim's body that you see. I smiled that I could recognize him from a small part.
.Any part is better than none.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
20
Thursday January 29th. This brings me to 20 months it's been since Jim died.
I was thinking of him today and was not thinking of the love and romance and sexual energy we had, but rather the friendship. .
I miss my friend.
I find I am missing the friend who watched out for me and shared things with me and compromised likes and wants and needs so that the friendship had a give and take to it. Sharing a look or a a thought. Or making that compromise happily of going to 'Spiderman 3' because he wants to and I was willing to go for him. Or for him to go watch 'that chick flick' with me.
I am not sure of the line between love and friendship. I know Jim and I had both. I can say "he was my best friend" forever but not really explain how we (or anyone else) just knew it was more than friendship.
Laughing with Jim while he interviewed me for the job. I remember thinking it would be so cool to have him as a boss because we were on the same wave length. It was cool. He was a good boss.
I started thinking this out because I cooked tonight. For the first time in a long time I actually planned and cooked a meal out. I took the time to get fresh food and cook it fresh - no microwaving. It wasn't much, but I made taco's and it was in the middle of a bite of the taco I realized that it was a food I hadn't cooked or eaten since Jim had died. I had the sour cream, the chips, the cheese, lettuce and tomato. The salsa, the meat, the hard and soft shells. It was a good fresh taco. And it was a Jim favorite. It was a comfort food for him.
I was watching tv and saw a part of Raymond episode. He and his wife are laying in bed and she says "I missed you friend". Very simple. It started a domino effect on me. All I could think of was "yes. yes. yes. I miss my friend. My Friend." I cried for a bit, got myself together and came to think about how much Jim was a friend to me. That and more, but always that.
Yes, I miss my friend.
I was thinking of him today and was not thinking of the love and romance and sexual energy we had, but rather the friendship. .
I miss my friend.
I find I am missing the friend who watched out for me and shared things with me and compromised likes and wants and needs so that the friendship had a give and take to it. Sharing a look or a a thought. Or making that compromise happily of going to 'Spiderman 3' because he wants to and I was willing to go for him. Or for him to go watch 'that chick flick' with me.
I am not sure of the line between love and friendship. I know Jim and I had both. I can say "he was my best friend" forever but not really explain how we (or anyone else) just knew it was more than friendship.
Laughing with Jim while he interviewed me for the job. I remember thinking it would be so cool to have him as a boss because we were on the same wave length. It was cool. He was a good boss.
I started thinking this out because I cooked tonight. For the first time in a long time I actually planned and cooked a meal out. I took the time to get fresh food and cook it fresh - no microwaving. It wasn't much, but I made taco's and it was in the middle of a bite of the taco I realized that it was a food I hadn't cooked or eaten since Jim had died. I had the sour cream, the chips, the cheese, lettuce and tomato. The salsa, the meat, the hard and soft shells. It was a good fresh taco. And it was a Jim favorite. It was a comfort food for him.
I was watching tv and saw a part of Raymond episode. He and his wife are laying in bed and she says "I missed you friend". Very simple. It started a domino effect on me. All I could think of was "yes. yes. yes. I miss my friend. My Friend." I cried for a bit, got myself together and came to think about how much Jim was a friend to me. That and more, but always that.
Yes, I miss my friend.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
2004
I was tossed back into a memory. A happy one. Last night the cinema club that Jim and I belong to had their annual dinner. Around the tables were photos of various events.
.
Many were ones that I had taken myself, but this one I am posting was a group club photo and when I picked it up, I realized I had not seen it before. That it in it was Jim and it was a new Jim pic to me. I have found that any time I find photos of Jim that I haven't seen before it is a treasure. This was not really anything special, except to me. But I wanted to share it.
.
Halloween 2004.
.
And of course, that is him in the front on the right side with the flannel shirt and the grin. I am standing behind him with my grin and a hold on my man. Jim and his flannel shirts. When he wasn't in work/dress clothes, he was then in flannel or hawaiian or a tee shirt with a superhero on it. I still have some of each of them and can't seem to let them go yet. But, what we are seeing there is also a Jim at a peak point, he was feeling good, work was going well and he had turned 50 just a few days earlier. He was a happy guy and I think it shows a little in this pic.
.
Until I wrote that, I hadn't realized that was what I was thinking when I looked at the picture, but it is very true. I am glad the picture was there last night to remind me of that slice of time.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Tune out
Nothing specific happened today to make me write these next thoughts out, but they have been burping just under my conciousness, so it is time for them to come forth.
I doubt I am the only one, but it seems that almost everything I hear on the radio or in conversation with someone, or on tv is related to death. Death of a loved one, how to prepare for death, how someones relative was layed out, sometimes just words in a song. Every which way I turn there is something else that is hitting that nerve of pain that is still a little too close to the surface.
I was in the car with a friend who told me about how her grandfather and grandmothers funerals went and how she was a pallbearer and we were going to the grocery and I didn't know how to tell her I really didn't want to hear this. I know it isn't right to not want to hear it all, but it seems I am super sensitive and I don't know if that makes sense. To still be, I guess.
I have dealt with this by just keeping it to myself. When I am at a party and people start talking about loved ones that have died and such, I will just leave the room. I hear a song on the radio and it hits that nerve and I turn it off. The worst is when I watch tv and there is the commercial for some life insurance and they guy dies on the screen and then they go to the funeral where they are saying 'if only he had better life insurance'. Then there is the real tough one, the one where the woman is in the car thinking what to do that day and suddenly the screen goes black. She was killed in a car crash. It has gotten so I know in the first 2 seconds what the commercial is and can grab the remote and change the channel.
I feel I want to scream at the tv or radio to just shut up already. Taking that deep breath and releasing it slowly helps. I have talked to some other widows and knowing that others are feeling this too, helps. The part that gets me is it is not always when death or grieving or sadness is mentioned, but also on the tv when there is a couple in love. Holding hands. Kissing and looking into each others eyes....the way I did with Jim. That makes it all hurt too. To know what we had.
I don't really want to be reminded of Jim's death. I don't really need to be reminded. I remember it everyday. Just as I remember our love. It's the extra prick of a memory that makes things ache again. I wish I could wrap myself in bubblewrap as a buffer from the outside. I know I can't, and I guess I don't really want to, but every once in awhile I would like to have a few hours of stimulation from the media that doesn't have death in it.
Oh, I know my therapist would have a field day with this post, and I know there really is no way to avoid any of this in our society. I just have to keep on moving forward and trying to block it out till it doesn't hurt as much. I don't want to make myself watch Spongebob Squarepants instead of Bones, but I would like to watch a spat of commercials without them talking about wrongeful death or life insurance.
Just a sort of whiney post that really has no purpose other than to let me whine. As I write I wonder if I am repeating myself from an earlier post. If so, sorry.
I doubt I am the only one, but it seems that almost everything I hear on the radio or in conversation with someone, or on tv is related to death. Death of a loved one, how to prepare for death, how someones relative was layed out, sometimes just words in a song. Every which way I turn there is something else that is hitting that nerve of pain that is still a little too close to the surface.
I was in the car with a friend who told me about how her grandfather and grandmothers funerals went and how she was a pallbearer and we were going to the grocery and I didn't know how to tell her I really didn't want to hear this. I know it isn't right to not want to hear it all, but it seems I am super sensitive and I don't know if that makes sense. To still be, I guess.
I have dealt with this by just keeping it to myself. When I am at a party and people start talking about loved ones that have died and such, I will just leave the room. I hear a song on the radio and it hits that nerve and I turn it off. The worst is when I watch tv and there is the commercial for some life insurance and they guy dies on the screen and then they go to the funeral where they are saying 'if only he had better life insurance'. Then there is the real tough one, the one where the woman is in the car thinking what to do that day and suddenly the screen goes black. She was killed in a car crash. It has gotten so I know in the first 2 seconds what the commercial is and can grab the remote and change the channel.
I feel I want to scream at the tv or radio to just shut up already. Taking that deep breath and releasing it slowly helps. I have talked to some other widows and knowing that others are feeling this too, helps. The part that gets me is it is not always when death or grieving or sadness is mentioned, but also on the tv when there is a couple in love. Holding hands. Kissing and looking into each others eyes....the way I did with Jim. That makes it all hurt too. To know what we had.
I don't really want to be reminded of Jim's death. I don't really need to be reminded. I remember it everyday. Just as I remember our love. It's the extra prick of a memory that makes things ache again. I wish I could wrap myself in bubblewrap as a buffer from the outside. I know I can't, and I guess I don't really want to, but every once in awhile I would like to have a few hours of stimulation from the media that doesn't have death in it.
Oh, I know my therapist would have a field day with this post, and I know there really is no way to avoid any of this in our society. I just have to keep on moving forward and trying to block it out till it doesn't hurt as much. I don't want to make myself watch Spongebob Squarepants instead of Bones, but I would like to watch a spat of commercials without them talking about wrongeful death or life insurance.
Just a sort of whiney post that really has no purpose other than to let me whine. As I write I wonder if I am repeating myself from an earlier post. If so, sorry.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
President Obama
Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.
So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.
That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.
These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.
Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America - they will be met.
On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.
On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.
We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.
In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labour, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.
For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and travelled across oceans in search of a new life.
For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.
For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.
Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.
This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.
For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act - not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do.
Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.
What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them - that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public's dollars will be held to account - to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day - because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.
Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control - and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favours only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our Gross Domestic Product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart - not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.
As for our common defence, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.
Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.
We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort - even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the spectre of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defence, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.
For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.
To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.
To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.
As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honour them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.
For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.
Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.
This is the price and the promise of citizenship.
This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.
This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.
So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have travelled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:
"Let it be told to the future world...that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet [it]."
America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come.
Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.
So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.
That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.
These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.
Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America - they will be met.
On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.
On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.
We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.
In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labour, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.
For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and travelled across oceans in search of a new life.
For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.
For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.
Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.
This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.
For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act - not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do.
Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.
What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them - that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public's dollars will be held to account - to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day - because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.
Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control - and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favours only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our Gross Domestic Product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart - not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.
As for our common defence, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.
Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.
We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort - even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the spectre of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defence, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.
For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.
To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.
To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.
As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honour them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.
For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.
Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.
This is the price and the promise of citizenship.
This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.
This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.
So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have travelled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:
"Let it be told to the future world...that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet [it]."
America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come.
Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Catch up
Holy smokes. I blew the resolution to blog more out of the water. In my defense, work has been very busy the last week. More than usual. We have a new employee and because of her needs as a manager they moved me from my office into an office up the hallway. It is a bigger room which is nice, but it is lonlier because everyone is down at the other end.
So, I have been coming home and crashing.
I also started a memory post a couple days ago that may take awhile to finish. I wrote down the years Jim and I were married and then what I could remember happening in those years. So far I am only a few years into our marriage and it is interesting to see what things pop out of my head. Trivial and important moments. I guess it's like a timeline for the 17 years and I'm putting it together year by year. I am not sure if I will ever post this, but writing it is fun.
The weekend will be a four day holiday and I am not sure what I will do with those four days. I am close to DC but I am definately not going there. It will be crazy and crowded and cold. I am excited about the event, but not interested in participating.
More to come later!
So, I have been coming home and crashing.
I also started a memory post a couple days ago that may take awhile to finish. I wrote down the years Jim and I were married and then what I could remember happening in those years. So far I am only a few years into our marriage and it is interesting to see what things pop out of my head. Trivial and important moments. I guess it's like a timeline for the 17 years and I'm putting it together year by year. I am not sure if I will ever post this, but writing it is fun.
The weekend will be a four day holiday and I am not sure what I will do with those four days. I am close to DC but I am definately not going there. It will be crazy and crowded and cold. I am excited about the event, but not interested in participating.
More to come later!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Mismatched Socks
I meant to be better this year about posting, but time has been eaten up with things to do. Of course one of those things preventing the posting is cuddling on the couch with the dogs after dinner. And then falling asleep on the couch. And then waking to my own snoring and the dogs shuffling around. I am becoming my Mom. She would do that, instead of with dogs, it would be us kids.
.
I have tried to do more straightening and be more motivated in keeping the house clean, but it is an uphill battle. It sounds odd but I am down to the last two loads of dirty laundry to do. It is the laundry I don't wear and need to pack away for the winter. They will be done and packed away on Saturday.
.
I did laundry Monday night and sat sorting socks. I am always amazed at how many socks don't come back. I match and roll the ends up and I
have these poor left over guys. I save them for the weekend and am not adverse to wearing mismatched socks. Not just throw them in a drawer and forgotten.
.
Oh. Analogy. Are we widows like the socks whose mate has disappeared? Our soulmates, the other half of us, gone. Lost forever. Now we are forgotten and wondering what to do, how to survive and when we will be useful again. Sometimes the socks can be matched up with others and that is good, sometimes just tossed away, or bundled up and sent to thrift store. Sounds silly, but it just popped into my head.
.
My solution to the missing sock of the pair is to buy several of the same color and style. I guess I should have cloned a few of Jim so I would have one in reserve. Ah, but then they don't always seem to fit the same as the original pair/couple, so maybe the cloning wouldn't work. Michael Keaton in Multiplicity comes to mind.
.
Like in the movie, imagine four Jim's. Of course, the original, yes, we needed that one around to keep us on track. The first clone is the Hardworking in his field one, yep, I can see that coming from Jim. He had that ability to be able to focus on accomplished the tasks given and the challenge that came with that. Second in the movie was the Good Housekeeping one, yep, I can see that too from Jim. Jim was great at putting on a movie or some music and cleaning or doing dishes or ironing. He grumbleed but once he got into it he was a sight to see. Last in the movie was the Silly one, yep, definately a Jim personality. Jim loved to make people laugh and he had his own special way of doing it. And if you haven't seen the movie, rent or netflix it today. It will make you laugh! Good old fashioned family comedy.
.
So, the clones were all somewhat mismatched but all came from the same source. Sort of like all my mismatched but still the same color/style socks. My stream of consciousness writing is just zooming around today. Oh boy. I think I am done now.
.
I have tried to do more straightening and be more motivated in keeping the house clean, but it is an uphill battle. It sounds odd but I am down to the last two loads of dirty laundry to do. It is the laundry I don't wear and need to pack away for the winter. They will be done and packed away on Saturday.
.
I did laundry Monday night and sat sorting socks. I am always amazed at how many socks don't come back. I match and roll the ends up and I
have these poor left over guys. I save them for the weekend and am not adverse to wearing mismatched socks. Not just throw them in a drawer and forgotten..
Oh. Analogy. Are we widows like the socks whose mate has disappeared? Our soulmates, the other half of us, gone. Lost forever. Now we are forgotten and wondering what to do, how to survive and when we will be useful again. Sometimes the socks can be matched up with others and that is good, sometimes just tossed away, or bundled up and sent to thrift store. Sounds silly, but it just popped into my head.
.
My solution to the missing sock of the pair is to buy several of the same color and style. I guess I should have cloned a few of Jim so I would have one in reserve. Ah, but then they don't always seem to fit the same as the original pair/couple, so maybe the cloning wouldn't work. Michael Keaton in Multiplicity comes to mind.
.
Like in the movie, imagine four Jim's. Of course, the original, yes, we needed that one around to keep us on track. The first clone is the Hardworking in his field one, yep, I can see that coming from Jim. He had that ability to be able to focus on accomplished the tasks given and the challenge that came with that. Second in the movie was the Good Housekeeping one, yep, I can see that too from Jim. Jim was great at putting on a movie or some music and cleaning or doing dishes or ironing. He grumbleed but once he got into it he was a sight to see. Last in the movie was the Silly one, yep, definately a Jim personality. Jim loved to make people laugh and he had his own special way of doing it. And if you haven't seen the movie, rent or netflix it today. It will make you laugh! Good old fashioned family comedy.
.
So, the clones were all somewhat mismatched but all came from the same source. Sort of like all my mismatched but still the same color/style socks. My stream of consciousness writing is just zooming around today. Oh boy. I think I am done now.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Hotel Rooms
Travels thru the years.
The last hotel room we stayed in together was in Gettysburg. We went up there while Jim was studying to get his USPS appointment. It was a get away from the house sort of weekend. A couple hours from the house and a nice country drive. The memory came back today as a friend and I drove into PA.
That trip to Gettysburg was a spur of the moment one. Jim needed some quiet time to study. I went out in the morning and gave him time to concentrate - I went shopping at the outlets that were near by. Whee. Later on we went to dinner and ended up in the hotel pool, swimming at 10pm. It was a little wild and crazy, but that was the point. To be able to cut loose a bit. It was just for two nights and it was a nice break.
Trips with Jim were always fun. There was a relaxed feeling as we travelled. We didn't really care where we were going, as long as we were together. It had been like that throughout our marriage.
Our first hotel room that we stayed in together was in Ocean City on our honeymoon. The honeymoon destination was a surprise - I had no idea where we were going for the honeymoon, but I trusted Jim to make it someplace special. And he did.
We stayed a week at the Carousel hotel and I can still remember waking up and thinking how wonderful the day was. To be there with my husband. Someone that loved me so much that he wanted me to be his wife. What a wonderous thought.
That morning I fed seagulls from our balcony in my silk robe and nothing underneath. To feel the sun on my face and see the deep pink and rose colors from the morning sun breaking over the water. It was a serene moment.
Jim and I relaxed and watched tv. Batman and robin and land of the giants and some other shows from the 60's were on in the mornings. We both enjoyed them and it was cool to be with someone that was on that same brain line as you. It was a connection that was strong through all of our years.
The last hotel room we stayed in together was in Gettysburg. We went up there while Jim was studying to get his USPS appointment. It was a get away from the house sort of weekend. A couple hours from the house and a nice country drive. The memory came back today as a friend and I drove into PA.
That trip to Gettysburg was a spur of the moment one. Jim needed some quiet time to study. I went out in the morning and gave him time to concentrate - I went shopping at the outlets that were near by. Whee. Later on we went to dinner and ended up in the hotel pool, swimming at 10pm. It was a little wild and crazy, but that was the point. To be able to cut loose a bit. It was just for two nights and it was a nice break.
Trips with Jim were always fun. There was a relaxed feeling as we travelled. We didn't really care where we were going, as long as we were together. It had been like that throughout our marriage.
Our first hotel room that we stayed in together was in Ocean City on our honeymoon. The honeymoon destination was a surprise - I had no idea where we were going for the honeymoon, but I trusted Jim to make it someplace special. And he did.
We stayed a week at the Carousel hotel and I can still remember waking up and thinking how wonderful the day was. To be there with my husband. Someone that loved me so much that he wanted me to be his wife. What a wonderous thought.
That morning I fed seagulls from our balcony in my silk robe and nothing underneath. To feel the sun on my face and see the deep pink and rose colors from the morning sun breaking over the water. It was a serene moment.
Jim and I relaxed and watched tv. Batman and robin and land of the giants and some other shows from the 60's were on in the mornings. We both enjoyed them and it was cool to be with someone that was on that same brain line as you. It was a connection that was strong through all of our years.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Monday, December 29, 2008
December 29
19 months
82 weeks
13,920 hours
And I find that I can sit and remember the details of that night/morning so sharply that it is like I am there again. Coming home is a blur, but sitting in the hospital and touching Jim, a cold Jim, and realizing that he was dead adn that it would be the last time to touch him, to see his face, to feel his hair and I can remember running my fingers thru his hair. It hurt too much to touch his skin, it was too cold, but the hair, feeling it is a still very vivid memory.
835,200 minutes
82 weeks
13,920 hours
And I find that I can sit and remember the details of that night/morning so sharply that it is like I am there again. Coming home is a blur, but sitting in the hospital and touching Jim, a cold Jim, and realizing that he was dead adn that it would be the last time to touch him, to see his face, to feel his hair and I can remember running my fingers thru his hair. It hurt too much to touch his skin, it was too cold, but the hair, feeling it is a still very vivid memory.
835,200 minutes
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Jimisms
Jimisms - a unique to Jim way of doing something. He did it, he could explain the reasoning and he made it all seem to make sense.
1) "No natural Exit"
When in a parking lot and you go to leave, following the way the parking pattern goes and the way the street you want to reach is angled, yet when you get to where there should be an exit....there isn't.
Jim would say that the lot had no natural exits - the instinctual way to leave the area, but instead there were the exits planned by men.
2)"Better safe then sorry"
This is buying something, like a cd or a tool, because you can't remember if you have it or where it is. Jim usually didn't know that he had the item already but would know that he needed or wanted it. I found lots of screwdrivers and there are about 6 cd's that are doubles and the second ones (or maybe the first) are still sealed/never been opened.
I found myself doing this the other day while at Home Depot. I knew that I needed duct tape, knew that we had some at home, knew that I had no idea where it was, and bought another roll.
3) Not sure what to call this one, but Jim would fill the gas up to a certain 'offbeat' amount. He would stop at 20.10 or 30.30 or some such. He said it was so that when he looked at the checking account he would remember that was for the gas.
This is another Jimism that I found myself doing. I am not even sure why because I don't look at my statements that often. I guess it is because it was a habit with him.
I know there are more things that he did throughout life that were so ingrained they were even realized as a habit or a quirk, so I will be back with more later.
1) "No natural Exit"
When in a parking lot and you go to leave, following the way the parking pattern goes and the way the street you want to reach is angled, yet when you get to where there should be an exit....there isn't.
Jim would say that the lot had no natural exits - the instinctual way to leave the area, but instead there were the exits planned by men.
2)"Better safe then sorry"
This is buying something, like a cd or a tool, because you can't remember if you have it or where it is. Jim usually didn't know that he had the item already but would know that he needed or wanted it. I found lots of screwdrivers and there are about 6 cd's that are doubles and the second ones (or maybe the first) are still sealed/never been opened.
I found myself doing this the other day while at Home Depot. I knew that I needed duct tape, knew that we had some at home, knew that I had no idea where it was, and bought another roll.
3) Not sure what to call this one, but Jim would fill the gas up to a certain 'offbeat' amount. He would stop at 20.10 or 30.30 or some such. He said it was so that when he looked at the checking account he would remember that was for the gas.
This is another Jimism that I found myself doing. I am not even sure why because I don't look at my statements that often. I guess it is because it was a habit with him.
I know there are more things that he did throughout life that were so ingrained they were even realized as a habit or a quirk, so I will be back with more later.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Friends - thank you
Merry Christmas!
I would like to take a moment and thank family and friends. For helping turn what could have been a pretty horrible holiday into something tolerable. By being there for me in a subtle way. For opening homes and allowing me to spend time. Allowing may not be the best word, but sharing is. Sharing in the friendship that is twofold, mine for them and theirs for me.
A party and a dinner and just a 'spend the afternoon' has helped. I knew that the traditional brunch at my Dad's was not going to be possible, not last year with no car and not this year with no Dad there. I would be looking for him, expecting him. My friend Elaine, when she heard I was going to be sitting at home maybe doing laundry, stepped up and invited me to her Mom's brunch. It reminded me so much of times when I invited friends to my own mom's for thanksgiving or easter when they had no place to go. This is what friendship do for each other.
My brother called me bright and early this morning to say thanks for the gifts I sent out and to see how things were here. Me and the dogs were up, both of us fed and we were watching A Christmas Story. That is a family tradition here, one that Jim started and that I will carry on. Besides loving the movie, we always thought that the young Jim looked a little bit like Ralphie, and that made it special. The glasses and the blonde hair.
Have a Happy Holiday!
I would like to take a moment and thank family and friends. For helping turn what could have been a pretty horrible holiday into something tolerable. By being there for me in a subtle way. For opening homes and allowing me to spend time. Allowing may not be the best word, but sharing is. Sharing in the friendship that is twofold, mine for them and theirs for me.
A party and a dinner and just a 'spend the afternoon' has helped. I knew that the traditional brunch at my Dad's was not going to be possible, not last year with no car and not this year with no Dad there. I would be looking for him, expecting him. My friend Elaine, when she heard I was going to be sitting at home maybe doing laundry, stepped up and invited me to her Mom's brunch. It reminded me so much of times when I invited friends to my own mom's for thanksgiving or easter when they had no place to go. This is what friendship do for each other.
My brother called me bright and early this morning to say thanks for the gifts I sent out and to see how things were here. Me and the dogs were up, both of us fed and we were watching A Christmas Story. That is a family tradition here, one that Jim started and that I will carry on. Besides loving the movie, we always thought that the young Jim looked a little bit like Ralphie, and that made it special. The glasses and the blonde hair.
Have a Happy Holiday!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Night air
It’s past midnight and I step outside,
Inside, our kids are in bed and the cat wanders around
Here I find the air is cool and I exhale.
My breath shows in the night air.
I miss you.
I think this and feel the volcano that simmers below begin to rise.
Hold on there. Not now.
The pain is reigned in and resigned.
The breath like a dragon's, dissipates into the darkness.
With every breath I take,
With every breath exhaled.
I miss you.
Inside, our kids are in bed and the cat wanders around
Here I find the air is cool and I exhale.
My breath shows in the night air.
I miss you.
I think this and feel the volcano that simmers below begin to rise.
Hold on there. Not now.
The pain is reigned in and resigned.
The breath like a dragon's, dissipates into the darkness.
With every breath I take,
With every breath exhaled.
I miss you.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Traveling
Time Travel.
One of my favorite themes in science fiction. Several excellent books come to mind. Replay by Ken Grimwood and Time enough for Love by Robert Heinlein is another.
I am not going to go into the thought of what if I could go back in time to tell Jim....something. Exercise more? eat right? don't get that job?
Rather the question came up on a social internet board - What would you do if you were transported back to early September 2001.
He said -
If I couldn't do that for some reason, I would do a combination of trying to get the story out to the government, law enforcement and the media, while also calling in bomb threats and such to the airlines and airports and the buildings. If I had time, I'd talk to someone at every company in and around the twin towers and also to the firefighters and cops. Maybe all of that would be futile, but I'd try.
I mean, really, if you call the FBI and say you are from the future and you know for a fact that 19 terrorists are going to use box cutters to crash airplanes into the World Trade Center on 9/11, they are either going to think you are a kook and ignore you or they are going to think you are in on it and come arrest you.
Some of you may remember the details sufficiently that if they believed you, you could maybe point out people involved, what flights from what airports or whatever, but I have to admit that most of those minute details have flown from my mind after 7 years.
I remember the anger, most definitely, but other than Flight 93, I couldn't tell you the flight numbers of the other 3 planes. I don't remember the names of the 19 guys. I suspect I'm not the only one. And even if you did remember those details, how would you get to somebody high enough to stop it? How would you convince them you weren't making it up?I think it would be very frustrating to watch as 9/11 got closer and closer and nobody believed you and you couldn't stop the tragedy.
In the book I mentioned Replay by Ken Grimwood, the main character is transported back to his college years in 1962. He doesn't understand at first but as he realizes it he starts making money on sports events and then suddenly realizes that he can save Kennedy. He tries and fails. He then watches them arrest some other than Oswald and this person gets executed like Oswald did. The book goes on from there and he relives 5 times.
The questions that time travel raises have always interested me.
One of my favorite themes in science fiction. Several excellent books come to mind. Replay by Ken Grimwood and Time enough for Love by Robert Heinlein is another.
I am not going to go into the thought of what if I could go back in time to tell Jim....something. Exercise more? eat right? don't get that job?
Rather the question came up on a social internet board - What would you do if you were transported back to early September 2001.
He said -
I was watching the pilot episode of the American version of "Life on Mars" recently. He is a time traveler and it is set in New York City. The main character (Sam, if it matters) doesn't believe he's in 1973 until the big reveal at the end of the show where he turns around and sees the World Trade Center.
Well, that's quite a shock for him. It was for me, too. I wasn't
expecting it and it surprised me how much it hurt.
But it got me to thinking. If you were to go back in time, through some accident, whether a warp hole or you got stuck in Doc Browns Time Machine accidentally or whatever, and you arrived in early September 2001, with no documentation from the future, nothing that would not exist in that time frame, how would you convince people you were from the future and how would you stop 9/11?
The discussion went on from there amongst us friends to come up with different ways. Bomb threat? Go on the air with Howard Stern? Call the FBI and try to convince them with info you know because it was revealed afterwards?
I wondered if there was a way to stop the planes from even taking off or maybe finding a way to get on the plane and stop it there. I did like this solution, one man saidThis one is easy.....I don't have to convince anyone of who I am or what I know. All I have to do is get them to take box cutters seriously and accept the idea of a kamikaze airliner.
On September 8, I will hijack a plane using a box
cutter. I will threaten and scare a few random passengers and order the plane to "buzz" NYC below the level of higher buildings (ie, to make it clear what COULD
happen). But I will ultimately allow the plane to land safely.
The Powers That Be will now take the box/knife as a serious weapon and the idea of a kamikaze airliner will be presented in a manner that can NOT be ignored.
If I couldn't do that for some reason, I would do a combination of trying to get the story out to the government, law enforcement and the media, while also calling in bomb threats and such to the airlines and airports and the buildings. If I had time, I'd talk to someone at every company in and around the twin towers and also to the firefighters and cops. Maybe all of that would be futile, but I'd try.
I mean, really, if you call the FBI and say you are from the future and you know for a fact that 19 terrorists are going to use box cutters to crash airplanes into the World Trade Center on 9/11, they are either going to think you are a kook and ignore you or they are going to think you are in on it and come arrest you.
Some of you may remember the details sufficiently that if they believed you, you could maybe point out people involved, what flights from what airports or whatever, but I have to admit that most of those minute details have flown from my mind after 7 years.
I remember the anger, most definitely, but other than Flight 93, I couldn't tell you the flight numbers of the other 3 planes. I don't remember the names of the 19 guys. I suspect I'm not the only one. And even if you did remember those details, how would you get to somebody high enough to stop it? How would you convince them you weren't making it up?I think it would be very frustrating to watch as 9/11 got closer and closer and nobody believed you and you couldn't stop the tragedy.
In the book I mentioned Replay by Ken Grimwood, the main character is transported back to his college years in 1962. He doesn't understand at first but as he realizes it he starts making money on sports events and then suddenly realizes that he can save Kennedy. He tries and fails. He then watches them arrest some other than Oswald and this person gets executed like Oswald did. The book goes on from there and he relives 5 times.
The questions that time travel raises have always interested me.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
The Moon
I am driving down the highway and looking at this absolutely beautiful full moon. The crispness of the night air must help because the moon is like crystal hung in the sky..
It reminds me of when Jim and I went climbing. Climbing to the top of the house, to the roof. Back in 2003 Mercury (or maybe Mars?) was closest to Earth for a few days/weeks. And it didn't happen that often. I can't remember the details. I just remember it was a big astrological deal. So Jim and I pulled the old telescope out of the box in the basement and he set up some ladders and we went up to the top of the house. Two stories up. Oh boy.
.
This was no easy thing. First, I have a weird fear of the vertigo feeling that comes from being up high. I can't stand on the edge of a balcony that is more than a few stories up. I hate and refuse to go on ferris wheels and roller coasters. Though, with trust, thru the years, I got on them with Jim. Still scared, but able to hold on to him. But that's a different post.
.
Climbing the first ladder was okay because Jim kept a hand on me the whole time. Then there was the second roof to go up and that was a bit worse. I ended up shutting my eyes and keeping them closed most of the time! He worked with me and with his voice helping, soothing me, and I got up there. Once we got up to the top I was okay. The rowhouses in our area all have flat roofs. I could stay in the middle and not have to look over the edge. It makes it easy to sit up there at night and watch the stars. We did this for 3 nights running. And it was beautiful.
.
There were many things that alone, I would not do, but with Jim, well, it seemed okay. He made it okay. With a hand to grab and him talking to me, I could almost sometimes handle it. Often I would get my muster up, get on the ride or such and then lose it half way through. This happened on a ride we went on that was set up like a ski lift (those little chairs) and you rode over the park and looked at the beautiful view. I can't remember the park now, maybe Hershey, maybe one in NH.
.
Maybe I would have been okay if there had been someplace for my feet to set on. Having my feet dangle really thru me into a tizzy. I ended up with eyes tight shut a
nd Jim moving his feet over so mine could rest on his. I peaked at the great view that he was telling me about a couple times but I was so glad to hit the ground I almost kissed it..
Poor Jim, he was an adventurer and always wanted to go on the thrill rides and me, I just wanted to watch. He had a dream of going parachuting and taking as many of his siblings as would go. He wanted to get a hot air balloon to experience that feeling of flying. As close as he could get. I think if his sight had been better he would have loved to be a pilot. He would have enjoyed that.
.
This post turned into something other than talking about the moon. Well, I can go back to the moon just by saying there were many many Moons that Jim and I shared. Walking in the moonlight in Boston, with dogs running in front of us. Driving in the moonlight as we traveled - Jim prefered driving at night when the roads were clear. Me, sitting on the stoop, the moon shining at the end of the street (see photo at top) and waiting for Jim to come home from a long days work.
.
A very special memory is one of the moon sending beams of a very special light to play on my man's skin and give us a magical time of love making. We were in this house, we were just married and we were enjoying ourselves. Jim commented on how the moonlight seemed to be seeking out just the right spots to highlight on me and I kissed all the spots it highlighted on him. We giggled and caressed and were entranced. Knowing this love is such a wonderful thing.
.
And with that I end this post.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
More
"I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal."
--Vita Sackville-West
I am just the blog of quotes this week. This one was on my nieces Facebook page and I read it and felt it hit me deep inside. It is amazing how the power of just a few words can capture the feeling.
--Vita Sackville-West
I am just the blog of quotes this week. This one was on my nieces Facebook page and I read it and felt it hit me deep inside. It is amazing how the power of just a few words can capture the feeling.
Irons
A scene from one of my favorite books and authors
"God is an iron," he said. "Did you know that?"
He went on, "If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron."
I have always appreciated, noticed and even chuckled at ironic situations. I find myself in one now. I agreed to move to baltimore on the promise that we would only be here for 5 years. Five years to renovate and relocate and rent the house out. Those five years were up in May 2007 and Jim got out, but I had to stay.
I would have stayed here forever with no more whining if I only knew. Jim was ready to go, we had put in transfer applications at his job and things looked good. So maybe in 2010 (8 years later) I can get out of here. I just want to have a place for the dogs to run around a bit like our old house in Boston. Grass would be nice.
Another favorite quote, from the same author -
Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased — thus do we refute entropy.
Writing and sharing of my pain has lessened it. Sharing the joy I have found in life since that tragic moment, increases the joy that life can give.
"God is an iron," he said. "Did you know that?"
He went on, "If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron."
I have always appreciated, noticed and even chuckled at ironic situations. I find myself in one now. I agreed to move to baltimore on the promise that we would only be here for 5 years. Five years to renovate and relocate and rent the house out. Those five years were up in May 2007 and Jim got out, but I had to stay.
I would have stayed here forever with no more whining if I only knew. Jim was ready to go, we had put in transfer applications at his job and things looked good. So maybe in 2010 (8 years later) I can get out of here. I just want to have a place for the dogs to run around a bit like our old house in Boston. Grass would be nice.
Another favorite quote, from the same author -
Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased — thus do we refute entropy.
Writing and sharing of my pain has lessened it. Sharing the joy I have found in life since that tragic moment, increases the joy that life can give.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Lights that guide us
Found on a friends memorial page. The page is a memorial to their beautiful three children, now angels and shining down from above.
Yeish kochavim she'oram magia artza
Rak ka'asher heim atzmam avdu v'einam
Yeish anashim sheziv zichram mei'ir
Ka'asher heim atzmam einam od b'tocheinu
Orot eileh hamavhikim b'cheshkat halayil
Heim, heim, shemarim la'adam et haderech, et haderech
{There are stars up above
So far away we only see their light
Long long after the star itself is gone
And so it is with people that we loved
Their memories keep shining,
Ever brightly, though their time with us is done.
But the stars that light up the darkest night
These are the lights that guide us
As we live our days these are the ways
We remember, we remember.}
Meditation by Hannah SeneshEnglish translation by Jeff Klepper
Yeish kochavim she'oram magia artza
Rak ka'asher heim atzmam avdu v'einam
Yeish anashim sheziv zichram mei'ir
Ka'asher heim atzmam einam od b'tocheinu
Orot eileh hamavhikim b'cheshkat halayil
Heim, heim, shemarim la'adam et haderech, et haderech
{There are stars up above
So far away we only see their light
Long long after the star itself is gone
And so it is with people that we loved
Their memories keep shining,
Ever brightly, though their time with us is done.
But the stars that light up the darkest night
These are the lights that guide us
As we live our days these are the ways
We remember, we remember.}
Meditation by Hannah SeneshEnglish translation by Jeff Klepper
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Cookies and Lights
Three and a half dozen cookies later......
I started with peanut butter Kiss cookies. I used both chocolate kisses and 'candy cane' kisses. The chocolate
held the kiss shape a lot better, the candy cane became a striped circle of chocolate and candy cane flavor. Not bad, in fact kind of a neat design.
I started with peanut butter Kiss cookies. I used both chocolate kisses and 'candy cane' kisses. The chocolate
held the kiss shape a lot better, the candy cane became a striped circle of chocolate and candy cane flavor. Not bad, in fact kind of a neat design.And yes, that is Mercury, patiently waiting, waiting, waiting for one to drop. He was out of luck.
I then mixed some sugar cookie dough and tried the cookie press. I think the dough was a little soft. It didn't respond well to the press for the first half of the making. I ended up having to press the dough onto the rack and then with a knife carefully slice it off the press. It worked to a degree.
I also mixed some sugar cookie dough up and made two logs. One is a reddish/dark pink color and one is the plain. I am going to chill them and then roll them flat, put them on top of each other and then roll them up into a log and slice. The idea is spiral cookies. I hope it works. I can't remember the exact sequence of what to do, I am running from memory of making them with my mom.
Ah Mom. We always had logs of cookie dough in the fridge for fast slice and cooking. Thinking of this, I am realizing now, years later that she was probably doing this because the 'toll house cookie' came out in the stores. She knew she could do the same thing cheaper and figured out a way. Or, maybe even an easier explanation...that is how she learned it from her Grandmother.
All in all it was a fun morning. I am putting some laundry in and now going to sloth for an hour or two with the dogs on the couch.
I picked up some lights to decorate the front window of the house. I decided to not go the traditional lights and found instead some really nice snowflake shaped lights. They are large enough to be seen as snowflakes and there are only nine of them so they won't overwhelm the window. I am also going to cut out some snowflakes myself and put them on the glass. The lights went up with no problem but I can't figure out how to hide the tape holding them to the glass. I need to check Home Depot or such. They do look pretty.
It was a fun afternoon. Warm cookies, cold milk and cutting out snowflakes.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Fortunately and Online Shopping
This is probably a vent or maybe a pro/con post. I ordered a few things online this year for christmas. The first of the four orders came today.
What else could go wrong as Ned tries to get to the party? Readers will cheer as Ned's luck turns from good to bad to good again, while clever illustrations tell the story of his wacky adventure and narrow escapes.
I am going to jump here to one of my favorite childrens books is one I found at a library my friend worked at. It is called Fortunately an
d it's basically a good things/bad things happens to this boy on his adventure book. It makes for a fun way to deal with the curves that life sends you. For some reason I feel like I may have posted about this book before.
d it's basically a good things/bad things happens to this boy on his adventure book. It makes for a fun way to deal with the curves that life sends you. For some reason I feel like I may have posted about this book before. Fortunately by Remy Charlip
Fortunately, Ned was invited to a surprise party.
Unfortunately, the party was a thousand miles away.
Fortunately, a friend loaned Ned an airplane.
Unfortunately, the motor exploded.
Fortunately, there was a parachute in the airplane.
Unfortunately, there was a hole in the parachute.
Fortunately, Ned was invited to a surprise party.
Unfortunately, the party was a thousand miles away.
Fortunately, a friend loaned Ned an airplane.
Unfortunately, the motor exploded.
Fortunately, there was a parachute in the airplane.
Unfortunately, there was a hole in the parachute.
What else could go wrong as Ned tries to get to the party? Readers will cheer as Ned's luck turns from good to bad to good again, while clever illustrations tell the story of his wacky adventure and narrow escapes.
So the book goes that way, my story goes this way -
Fortunately I found online some gifts for family.
Unfortunately I did have to pay for them.
Fortunately, my order arrived very quickly.
Unfortunately it was the wrong item.
Fortunately I could reorder the right one.
Unfortunately it would take a few more days to get here.
Fortunately when I called Customer service they said, oh, we will credit your account and you can donate it to charity (pretty cool) and we stop there and we wait to see what happens when the other order arrives.
Next -
Fortunately I was able to find the stereo headphones I wanted. Unfortunately I got an email saying they took my order but now realize they are out of stock.
Fortunately it is a gift for myself and I don't have to reship it.
Unfortunately though it means I may get it after christmas.
Next - well we will see what happens next....
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Lights
I can't believe it but I am actually looking around the neighborhood and thinking of christmas lights this year.
In thinking about it, I thought about the box of them in the basement. I don't think I want to hang them. They were 'our' lights and decorations. I sort of like the idea of getting my own, but then flip over right away and feel sad that I won't use 'ours'.
The trick is also that Jim was the decoration guy. He hung the lights, put up the tree and all that. Me, I just will be happy with a table top tree and some lights in the windows.
I don't know what I will do yet. But if I do anything worth showing, I will post a pic here!
In thinking about it, I thought about the box of them in the basement. I don't think I want to hang them. They were 'our' lights and decorations. I sort of like the idea of getting my own, but then flip over right away and feel sad that I won't use 'ours'.
The trick is also that Jim was the decoration guy. He hung the lights, put up the tree and all that. Me, I just will be happy with a table top tree and some lights in the windows.
I don't know what I will do yet. But if I do anything worth showing, I will post a pic here!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Just more pics
Just some more pics from my Thanksgiving day weekend.
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. This one is a friend of mine I never met in person till that weekend and we have been friends via online message boards for going on two years now. She lives not far from my bro and it was great to finally meet and hang out together.
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Jackjack
. Here is the Thanksgiving crew on Saturday before my plane was to leave. My older brother is on the far left, 4 years older than me.
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My great nephew Jack at age 2 has renamed everyone in the family. Mostly because he can't wrap his tongue around some sounds and spits out something close. Grandmom is Nona, Granddad (my brother) is Deedo, Great grandpap is Frufoo and so on. I became Gabby. Short for Great Aunt Betsy. This was not his creation, it was my brothers. Jackjack was happy to call me Besse. I think my brother wanted me to have a fun name. I don't know when, but at some point I started to call him Jackjack and it has stuck with me. That may be Gabby's name for her Great Nephew.
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This is Jackjack at the Thanksgiving day Table. He was given a turkey leg and gnawed on it. He liked waving it around more than eating it.
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.My favorite pic of the visit - Jackjack is a Thomas the train nut and they set up the trains for around the tree. My brother has a control that makes the train go and stop and the whistle blow. Jackjack is listening for the train.
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.Here is Jackjack and Deedo walking back from the visit to the zoo and the festival of lights that was held there. Jackjack was able to tell us what almost every animal 'said' and was especially good at elephants and penquins.
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Monday, December 1, 2008
Suggestions?
I would like to print this blog out - if anyone reading has any suggestions on how to do this - please comment. I am not looking to print it as a self published book, what I have seen online (blog 2 print) makes that too expensive (unless there is a cheaper way) But maybe a way to reformat it to make it print friendly so I could print it out myself.
Oh, I am trying new formats within the Blogger world to see what may be better for printing.
Thanks
Oh, I am trying new formats within the Blogger world to see what may be better for printing.
Thanks
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