Update and such.
Seven years and I I feel like I have come so far and yet not so far at all.
I have had a life with new friends that never had the pleasure of knowing Jim. I have lost my other dog and 2 cats. And gained a new dog that is a great source of comfort, love and pride - as only your own dog can be. I was diagnosed with onset diabetes, changed my diet and began exercising and beat it. My doctor was amazed at the change in a year.I lost 28 pounds and want to lose another 10. I have begun a journey to change the outward image of myself - new dressier clothes, more responsiblity at work and healthier eating/exercising. I had to get new clothes because of the weight loss and threw the too big stuff away so I wouldn't gain it back. I have had a date with a guy. No second date, but oh well. I have been to a wedding and not had a meltdown. I have been to two funerals and did have meltdowns. I often still feel very lonely and alone in this world.
A friend lost her husband a couple weeks ago and is devastated, as I was. He was in his 50's as Jim was. Her grief is bringing back to the surface all the feelings that I had when losing Jim. It has not been easy to have these again but her need of comfort is outweighing my pain. She is going thru the sense of lonliness and heartache and, well, not just heartache but the sense that your heart has been ripped from your body. I am hoping that some of the conversations we have had will help her to know she is not alone in feeling as she does. Going to a grief counseling group and writing his blog were critical to begin the road after the death. A road you don't want to take but still happens.
Another friend of mine had a baby girl on May 25th. I didn't see her till May 31st and we both cried when she told me the baby was named Jamie - in memory of Jim.
On May 29th I was in Atlantic City NJ. Not to gamble but to enjoy a special deal on a nice hotel with a spa, pool, sauna and such. I was quickly sorry I went as it was nothing like I imagined and the weather was too crappy to go to the beach. The spa was closed and women's hot tub was not working. The boardwalk was fun though. And getting room service as part of the 'deal' was a blast. I did get to drive up to my favorite beach - Long Beach Island and pick up a piece of beatiful stained glass for the house.
Jim and I - April 2007
